Sin and Sinner
by HIKIT
Summary: When a sinner meets a sin, how can he help but fall in love? This is, of course, a yaoi story between Ed and Envy. More info. inside! Hope ya enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

-1

**Disclaimer: I do not own FullMetal, nor the characters in it.**

**A story of Ed falling for Envy and Envy falling for Ed. The events in the story lean more towards the show than the manga. Is somewhat angsty, especially in the beginning, but will get better.**

**It picks up somewhere after the Lab. 5 incident, but as I don't really follow either version of FMA, I can't tell you much more than that. Sorry.**

**Any additional warnings will be put at the beginning of each individual chapter.**

**Also, I've rated this fanfic T, but if anyone thinks it should be under M, please notify me immediately as I do not want to get in trouble! Thankx!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Why! Why won't you fight back Pipsqueak!" Envy roared, pinning Edward against the wall. Edward didn't even react to the insult. _This isn't right_, is all Envy could think. 

Edward looked at Envy through his blood stained bangs and gave him a weak smile. "There's no reason to."

"What?" Envy cried, jabbing deeper into the wound on Edward's shoulder. "Why not?"

Edward grunted as the new wave of pain hit him. He dropped his head. "I know what you are Envy. I know what you think you are, and that idea is too different from mine. What's the point in fighting if I know I couldn't do it in the end," he said in such a whispered voice that Envy had barely heard him.

"We're homunculi! How can we be anything but that? What can't you do?" Envy yelled. This couldn't be happening! The runt couldn't be giving up! Not now!

Edward lifted his head until he was eye level with Envy. His expression was pain filled and oh so sad. Envy didn't like it. It was like those golden orbs could pierce through anything, but that wasn't the most horrifying thing to him. Those eyes had always held a fire that fueled Edward's entire being, but now it was reduced to a weak spark. That scared Envy most of all. It felt like eons passed as Envy was looked upon with that gaze, but in realty not even a couple of seconds had passed.

In the same whispered Edward replied, "I couldn't kill you."

Envy was left silent. He didn't know what to do with that statement, so he said not a word.

Edward lowered his gaze and asked, "Why do you want the stone?"

"We've already told you runt, we want to become human!" Envy hissed, taking another jab at his height, hoping to get a reaction out of the boy, but nothing. Not even a flinch.

"Why human? What's wrong with being a homunculus?" Edward pressed.

"Why does that matter?" Envy yelled.

"Because from what I see, you're not too different from us." Envy was shell-shocked by this point. He didn't know what to say, but that was okay as Edward kept speaking. "You have feelings, they might not be the best at times, but you experience things like joy and triumph. I can see that every time we fight, every time when you've beaten me." He took in a ragged breath. "You feel physically. I can see that too in our fights when I actually hit you," he let out a breathless laugh at the end of that statement. Envy couldn't process all of this. All he, _they_, have been known as were monsters, and here, their worst enemy, was saying something otherwise. That couldn't be possible. "You have wants and desires. You're selfish and egotistical, not to mention vain," and as Edward continued, Envy could help but get the feeling that Edward was talking more about himself, Envy, than the other homunculi. "You're physical makeup is similar as well from what I've seen. So for me, that's all too human."

Now Envy was getting angry. He grabbed Edward by the shoulders and flung him across the room. Edward didn't fight the motion, and only managed to land on his feet. Envy sprang over to him and tried to strike at the boy. Do anything to make him fight back. Edward just blocked near every move. This was too much for Envy. He tripped Edward and pinned him to the floor.

He had his hands on either side of Edward's face, knowing that Edward wouldn't make any attempt to push Envy off of himself. Not looking at him Envy asked, "Why do you want your brother to return to the flesh, FullMetal?"

Edward was silent for a moment. He looked up at the ceiling of their current battleground. When he did answer, his voice was stronger, more resolved, and that much more sad. "I want him to get back what he lost because of me. This leg and arm of mine is fine with me. I have it because of my own choices and my mistakes. I'll carry this burden as a constant reminder to never fall off track again, but Al…," His voice broke at his brother's name. "It was all my fault. I wanted something bad enough and was reckless enough to go after it, and I had to drag Al along with me. He protested against it all the way through, but I never listened, and there was no way Al was going to leave me to do it alone, and I knew that." There was a pause and Envy took that chance to give Edward a sidelong glance. His face was pained. His eyes were closed and his breathing had become more irregular. When he did open his eyes again, they were hard with resolve. "That's why I have to get his body back. My motives are nothing but selfish and so I can lessen my own guilt. I know that, but Al shouldn't have to suffer because of me." Edward looked back to Envy. "Is I really that bad? You're the very thing we humans have wanted to obtain for years. To be invincible. Immortal. An ever-lasting weapon that has no pure motives or intentions. Alchemist or no, everything thinks of living forever."

There was a long moment of silence before Envy answered. "Do you know what it's like to live forever?" Another moment of silence. "We don't die. We can't, at least not by human measures. We don't have to eat, yet when we do, the taste is dulled. We can choose not to sleep, but when we do, we're not lulled by dreams. We're controlled and used, and all we want is to break away from it all. After awhile, eternity becomes unbearable."

All while Envy spoke, Edward watched him. He watched his every movement since he couldn't see his face. He heard how every word was spat with bitter sarcasm. How his fist clenched at the mention of being controlled, and how his tone got angrier.

"I don't mind this form. Usually I find it quite fun and very enjoyable. Living for eternity doesn't bother me, nor the trivial humanesque pleasures, all I want is this leash off my neck," the last was spoken so softly but with a ferocity Edward didn't think was possible at that volume.

This was the most open the homunculus had ever been with him. He was actually quite surprised, but that surprise was dulled by the sheer pleasure it brought Edward. Edward was brought out of his musings though when the voice of Envy entered his thoughts.

"Fight me FullMetal," he said before jumping off of Edward, landing not five feet from him.

Edward stood and just looked at Envy who was looking back just as intently. "No."

Envy physically bristled at this. "Why not?" he cried for the second time during their encounter.

"I already told you why."

"And I told you that your reasons were wrong! You should have no problems now!" Envy yelled, getting angrier and more desperate as the moments went by, though the second he refused to show.

Edward just stood there.

Envy leapt.

He kicked for Edward's jaw, but was blocked my his automail arm. Edward pushed the leg away and took a step back. Envy landed gracefully back on his feet and swung a punch, also for his face. This one got caught by Edward's other hand. Envy pulled his hand back and did another barrage of attacks. Most of them either got blocked, caught, or simply avoided, while the blows that actually landed did little damage.

"Fight me runt!" Envy yelled as he threw another punch, which Edward caught.

"I said no!" Edward yelled back as he pushed the fist away, taking more steps backward.

A few more punches and kicks. "I need you fight me!"

Edward lost his concentration, earning his a kick in a stomach that pushed him back, running him into the wall. "I need you to fight back!" Another kick, again blocked by Edward. "Because when you fight back, I know I don't have to hold everything back. I know I can fight you and that you can take it!" The statement ended up with Envy punching the area just right of Edward's face, and creating a hole in the stonewall.

They stood like that for a while, the only movement being Envy uncurling his fist, but not brining away from the hole. The blood loss was getting to Edward. His vision was starting to become riddled with black dots, and his legs swayed dangerously under him. At the same time, he couldn't ignore the feeling of Envy's breath landing on his neck, nor their close proximity.

"Dammit," came the fierce whisper from Envy before he turned and walked away.

Edward watched him walk away, ignoring his want to call out to him and the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Edward looked at the ceiling for a while, trying to get his vision under control, before deciding it was time for him to leave.

He pushed himself off of the wall and took slow steps toward the entrance, picking up his coat and putting it on as he did so. He had a long way to go before reaching Central Headquarters, and he knew it would be that much harder to reach if he gave his body any sort of rest now.

So he slowly made his way back to headquarters, using the walls as support and thanking whatever deity that made it to where the streets were empty. The closer he got to Headquarters, the more he thought of the Colonel that he had to see there. He would probably go one about how could he have possibly gotten this banged up with such a simple mission.

Edward had been given the assignment to check out an abandoned factory that had been reported as having some suspicious activity. When Edward got to the factory however, instead of seeing the usual low-level thugs that he expected, he was greeted with the scene of Envy. Luckily for Ed though, the other two had already left the sight so he was only left with one. On the other hand, it was the one he wanted to see the most as well as the least.

They had fought at first, Ed halfheartedly, until he had absolutely refused to do so. What happened next followed the exact scene that happened not twenty minutes ago.

Edward looked around himself to see how much farther he had to go. _At least fifteen more minutes_, his tired mind calculated. He stopped walking, slumping against the wall to catch his breath.

If it had been either of the other two, Edward would have been fine, or finer, but instead fate had to work its cruel webs and send him Envy.

Envy.

Edward knew he _should_ hate the sin, especially after that Lab. 5 incident, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to. Well, that's not exactly correct. Ed knew why he couldn't hate the sin, but it certainly didn't make the circumstances any easier.

Ed pushed himself off of the wall and started to walk again, trusting his feet to know wear to go as he let his mind wander.

He had fought Envy so many times before this, but this time was different. Edward didn't exactly know why that was. Maybe because they were alone, or he just finally couldn't do it anymore. Every other time he had fought Envy, it had been exhilarating, if not fearful, and something that, strangely, Edward had enjoyed. The more encounters Edward had with the sin however, the more he had realized he couldn't stop thinking about him.

He walked up the steps of the Central building, and made his way to the Colonel's office when he was inside.

The thinking had started with the usual spew of insults and other vulgar language, all aimed at Envy, but slowly it became more tame and inquisitive, and then, finally, _this_. Edward couldn't remember when he had actually realized he had fallen in love with the sin, since it was such a slow and gradual thing, but he knew that it was a devastating thing to realize.

He turned the corner, passing the sleeping quarters, and quickly debated whether just to sleep there since the office was no doubt empty, but just continued to walk towards the office.

At first he was sickened with himself for loving such a monster, until he had come to the, however atrocious, excuses he had told Envy earlier. But with those excuses came the sinking sorrow of it all. It was impossible, completely unfathomable, and so thoroughly heartbreaking. Seeing the sin tonight in no way helped that either. All that had done was made Edward realize just how impossible the very notion of it was.

He stepped into the office, completely empty, but seeing as how he had already guessed that, he just shrugged. Being as tired as he was, instead of going back to the sleeping quarters, he feel unto the couch. There he let a few of the tears that wanted to so badly get out escape, and let himself break just a little bit more.

* * *

**The beginning's kinda confusing, I know, but I explain in later chapters what's happening.**

**Critisism is always desired, but I really don't want to read flammers. Be warned if you do put a flammer, I will mock it incessantly.**

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Sin and Sinner!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Is he okay?"

"Is he even alive?"

"Someone go get the Colonel! Ed? Edward, can you hear us?" someone asked, lightly shaking him. This was what Edward heard and felt upon his awakening the next morning.

Edward blearily opened his eyes, to where his fuzzy vision could make out Havoc, Hawkeye, and Fuery hovering above him. All wore faces of relief as well as concern.

He slowly sat up, a yawn escaping his mouth as he did so. He rubbed his eyes and asked, "What time is it?"

They all seemed taken aback by the question, but also reassured. "It's five in the morning," came Havoc's reply. "Where were you last night?"

"Yes, FullMetal, why don't you tell all of us where you disappeared to," came the irritated voice of Roy Mustang.

That woke Edward up. He whipped around, though still on the couch, to face the Colonel. "I don't want to hear anything from you! It's all your fault I was gone!" Ed yelled, quite irate.

"My fault? Sorry FullMetal, but how is this situation possibly my fault? Do you know how many people we sent to look for you when you didn't return?" a just as equally irate Colonel asked.

"I could care less how many people you sent to look for me, seeing as how they all missed me! And it's your fault because you were the one that sent me to that goddamn factory!"

A brief silence. "The factory! You were at the factory the whole time! I just sent you down there to check out the area! What did you do, get lost for more than twelve hours?" Roy yelled at the boy.

That was it. That was all Ed could take, and everyone knew it. Roy started to pull out his gloves and everyone else backed away a little. Edward's eyes were practically spitting fire as he quickly got off of the couch to transmute it into something that shut that cocky mouth. All he succeeded in doing though was reopening his wounds. His eyes grew wide and pain filled as he fell to his knees, clutching his shoulder.

It was then that everyone took in Edward's appearance. He was pale, severely pale, and he looked tired. His bangs were coated in dried blood. His jacket and the couch were bloodstain as well. Roy quickly went over to him. Prying Edward's hand off his shoulder and taking off his coat, Roy then fully saw the extent of the damage.

"Damnit Ed, why didn't you go to the hospital?" Roy asked voice hot and angry, but features etched with worry.

"This was closer," Edward replied between ragged breaths as his vision began to swim again.

"What the hell caused this kind of damage?" Roy asked.

Ed took a couple of deep breaths before replying, "Homunculus."

Everyone in the room tensed at that proclamation.

"A- a h-homunculus? B-b-but they aren't s-supposed to b-be r-real," Fury stuttered in absolute horror.

"Everything in this room is to be kept for our ears only. Understood?" Roy told his subordinates. They all nodded their heads. "Edward became-" but was cut off by Ed.

"I became a State Alchemist so I could search for the Philosopher's Stone. During our search we ran into three homunculi: Lust, Gluttony, and Envy," Edward explained, his breathing becoming more even.

"But why would you need the Philosopher's Stone?" Fury asked.

Ed was silent for a moment. "You all saw Al the time Scar attacked us." They all nodded in agreement, though it wasn't a question. "I transmuted Al's soul to that piece of armor after we failed to bring our mother back."

Everyone except Roy jumped at that. When they had seen Al that night, they were given no explanations and were told not to expect them. They all had their assumptions, but they had never even fathomed that.

"They took my arm and leg, and Al, his body. I'm searching for the Philosopher's Stone so I can restore his body." Edward then slowly stood, now that the pain had numbed somewhat, and the bleeding had mostly stopped. He started making his way to the door.

"Where are you going FullMetal," Roy asked standing as well.

"Out," he answered over his shoulder as he reached out for the door handle. He wanted to get out of this room. The silence was suffocating, and the tension was wearing him out.

"You need to go to the hospital before you go anywhere else," Roy ordered, making his way toward Ed with full intention of escorting him there.

As Ed watched him walk closer, he caught on. "No thanks Colonel. I can make it there myself fine," Edward said in a heated voice as he turned to face the door again and started to open the door.

He didn't have to open much of it, since the rest was flung open by a distressed Alphonse and a tired looking Falman.

"Where's my brother?" Al asked, not knowing he had just knocked the door into him, and successfully knocking him out.

Luckily the Colonel was only a few steps away, and caught Ed before he hit the floor.

"Brother!" Al yelled. "Brother, what happened?"

"He can't hear you kid," Roy said as he lifted Edward up so he could carry him to the hospital.

"W-what happened? Is he okay?" Al asked, even more distressed than before.

"Calm down. He'll be fine. He just needs some medical attention. Havoc will tell you the rest. Hawkeye, mind driving us to the hospital?" Roy asked, looking over his shoulder. He knew she wanted to talk about what Ed had just told them, and since he didn't know when he'd get a chance after this, he thought this might be the best time.

"It will be no trouble at all sir."

"Good," he said as he walked out of the room with Hawkeye right on his heels.

* * *

"Sir, is that really what happened?" Hawkeye asked, looking at the rear-view mirror to see Roy.

He had solemn eyes on the boy as he replied," Unfortunately yes."

There was a moment of silence before Riza spoke again. "Is that why you helped him so much?"

"I was there that night they did the transmutation. I saw what they created and the damaged all of it caused. It was a furious reaction to be sure of, but the fact that they had survived it is amazing. I knew Ed had potential, so I helped him to see what he could do," Roy said, not taking his eyes off of him.

"Their own mother," Riza whispered softly. It was horrible to think that they had gone through such lengths to try to get her back. "How old were they?"

Roy looked up then and studied his subordinate intently before answering. "Ed was eleven at the time I think, and Al ten," he said softly.

He watched as Riza's knuckles went white as she gripped the steering wheel harder. Her hands were shaking and her eyes were the most pain filled Roy had seen in a long time, and he understood it perfectly. It was unthinkable that those boys had gone through so much already, especially Edward, and how the world seemed so intent on throwing more at him.

Roy opened the door to their car as Hawkeye pulled to the front of the hospital. He gently picked up Ed's unconscious form; never noticing the figure that had followed all the way from the office, that watched him as he did so. Only when he entered the hospital was he away from those watchful purple eyes.

* * *

Envy was currently hopping unto rooftops, thinking of what a certain blonde haired boy had just told him. It couldn't be possible. It _had_ to be a trick or something, _anything_ but the truth.

For so long now, him and Edward had been enemies. For Envy it had begun the very day he had found out that that bastard had had another son. For Edward, it didn't really begin until their encounter at Lab. 5. There Envy had definitely shown his animosity toward the boy very clearly, but after that things had changed.

Not too long after that incident, Envy was charged with the task to watch over Edward. He was to make sure nothing too damaging happened to him. This of course had gotten Envy furious. He could still remember back talking their master for that and getting severely punished for it later. Because of that, he did his job, and had made sure that someone didn't kill the damn pipsqueak.

That was when everything had changed.

The more Envy watched over the FullMetal brat, the less angry he was toward him and towards the task that had been given to him. Envy realized that as time went on, he didn't want the pipsqueak to get hurt. In fact he made sure to fight with Edward instead of leaving him to deal with Lust or Gluttony. That way he knew he wouldn't get seriously injured, and if he did, at least Envy would know the extent of that damage. He could remember that one time during their many encounters that Lust had gotten to him first, and he, Envy, was left to deal with the tin can. He could still remember how worried he was during the fight with the younger brother, and the chilling feeling that had entered his chest when he watched as Lust stabbed Edward in the shoulder.

That was the turning point for him. At first he rubbed off the feeling for Edward as curiosity, and possessiveness. From the beginning Ed was his and his alone. Edward was his to screw up, to kill, to injure, his toy. That was all it was supposed to be, but if that was the case, then he shouldn't have felt the terror that he had that night.

Speaking of bad nights…

Tonight had been horrible. He still didn't understand why Edward had refused to fight him, but he knew he didn't want to experience it again.

From the moment Edward had stepped through that factory door, Envy knew it was going to be different. He could see it in the boy's eyes as he looked upon him. How his movements were slower and how his punches and kicks weren't packed with the same force as they had been before. Even with all that, he still never expected the speech he gotten.

Here Envy stopped jumping, and just stood.

Edward had been _defending_ them! Making them _human_! Making _him_ human! For the 400 years Envy had roamed this earth, all he had ever been known as was a monster, even by his own master, but Edward… Edward had spoken the exact opposite. The voice he had spoken with was steadfast, fierce, and also a little bit desperate, almost as if he had wanted Envy to agree with it all. He didn't though. Not all of it anyway.

He looked back on the direction of the factory.

He wondered if Edward had left yet. He wondered if he was too hurt to move, or if he had made it out okay.

After awhile he couldn't take wondering anymore and headed back. Besides, his master would punish him if they found out that something had happened to the boy while Envy wasn't watching.

After a couple of minutes, he found the boy roaming the streets. He seemed to be heading for the military base. Envy fought with himself whether or not if he should go down there and help him, but thought that that probably wouldn't be such a good idea.

He watched him until he entered the building. There he had to search for windows to keep an eye on him. He watched as Ed entered the Colonel's office and how he fell unto the couch and almost immediately falling asleep. That's when he decided to enter.

He carefully walked over to Ed and crouched down next to the couch, and studied Edward's face closely which was facing the back end of the couch. It was clam now. The epitome of peace. Envy moved his hand to remove the blood stained bangs that were covering his face. Yup, absolutely adorable.

Maybe that was another reason Envy liked Ed so much. Envy liked cute things, which was why he preferred his current form over all the others, and Edward was defiantly cute. He might hate his shortness, but Envy loved it. He liked his small toned frame. Ed's hair was pretty too. Personally, Envy liked it down better, but he didn't hate the braid, but what he liked more were his eyes. Those eyes were absolutely stunning. They were always blazing and fierce, except for tonight. That was another thing he never wanted to see again, but guessed he would have to for a while longer. He didn't know he was going to face Edward again when he was conscious.

Envy got up again at sat down at the open window, and stayed by Edward the whole night.

When morning rolled by, he left briefly. Soldiers were moving and he didn't want to get caught, so he left until the activity died down. When he did return, Edward was surrounded by four other people. He was crouched low on the floor seemed to be in pain. Envy almost jumped in there, but remembered himself at the last moment.

From outside the window he listened as Edward told them why they were going after the stone, not missing the fact that Edward said nothing about his automail arm. He watched as the tin can knocked Edward out, and was angry enough to go and tear his armor apart. When the Colonel and his assistant drove to the hospital, Envy was only feet behind. He had stopped just next to the hospital on the building opposite to it. He watched with jealous eyes as the Colonel took Edward out of the car, and noted the gentleness in which he handled him.

Now he was roaming the hallways, looking for Ed's room, taking on the appearance of some random civilian he had seen on the street. When he did find Edward he was horrified at what he saw.

He walked into the empty room, and went to Edward's bedside. He looked so much worse now that he had his bandages on. Apart from his face, his whole body seemed to be bandaged. Envy felt horrible. He knew he had lost control last night, but he didn't think he had done that much damage.

He would've stayed there longer, but he could already here the clanking of armor. That didn't stop him form watching outside the window though.

* * *

**Well, I hope that cleared most, if any, questions you might've had.**

**I hope I did well with Envy's character. It's hard to right to write a love story and keep Envy's sadistic attitude, but oh well!**

**Thanx for rdg and I hope you enjoyed!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Well, at least I didn't mess up my automail this time," Edward said to his brother as they walked to the Colonel's office after getting a message that he wanted to speak with them.

"You still need to be more careful," Al said for what had to be the hundredth time.

Ever since Ed had left the hospital, it was the same speech, and it wasn't only from Al. He was getting it from everyone. The Colonel, Hawkeye, Falman, Fuery. He had even received it from Second Lt. Ross and Sergeant Brosh who had also relayed a similar messege from Armstrong. He knew he should be glad they cared so much, but after hearing it twenty times before them, he was a bit annoyed with it. That and the fact he couldn't stop thinking about Envy.

"FullMetal."

He was starting to regret everything he had told Envy. The sin didn't seem too pleased with the statements Edward had made last night. He was wondering why he had even said it all to begin with. Why couldn't he have just dealt with it instead of telling Envy everything? Now… Now it hurt more than ever. Every time Al would ask if he was okay, Edward would slap the same smile on and laughed off Al's worry when in reality he was falling apart.

"FullMetal? Ed!"

He wanted to tell Al everything. In the past, whenever he did that, he had always felt better, but he knew the reaction he would get, and that was not something Ed wanted to deal with right now. No, now he was caught inbetween his two inner battles. A side of him wanted to so desperately see Envy and now, while the other never to lay eyes on the sin again.

"Edward!"

Ed snapped out of his thoughts to see the Colonel sitting in front of him. He hadn't realized they had come into the office already, and by the looks of it they had been there a while.

"Sorry sir?" he asked dazedly.

It looked like someone had slapped Roy in the face. _Sir?_ Edward never addressed him that way. Whenever he talked to the Colonel, even in the most serious of situations, Edward had always made his name sound as a joke, or it came with an insult at the end. Never, _never_ just sir. Roy narrowed his eyes slightly and decided to make this a private conversation. "I'd wish to speak to you _alone_ FullMetal," Roy said, not taking his eyes off the boy.

Edward just shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry Al, but can you wait for outside? I'm sure it won't be long?" he said as he looked over at the Colonel, who nodded his head slightly.

"Okay, but hurry up please," Al said, and reluctantly left the room.

When Al was gone, Ed plopped himself down on the chair that sat across Roy's desk. "So, what do you want to talk to me about, Colonel?" he asked, a bit of his old voice back.

Roy was silent for a moment, lacing his fingers in front of his face and looking hard at Edward. "What happened at that factory?"

Ed slightly jumped at this, and narrowed his eyes at Roy. "Why do want to know?"

"Because Ed, something happened at that factory and it's having some kind of affect on you," Roy answered, not missing the flinch or the sudden defensiveness.

_Damn, he's noticed…_"I assure you, sir, that my performance will not be affected by the recent events," Ed said, hopefully avoiding what would be a very awkward conversation.

"Unfortunately I don't believe that. Now what happened? Which homunculus did you fight?"

Edward was quiet for a moment before replying, voiced laced with emotion,"Envy."

Roy was shocked to hear that tone come out of Edward. It was an emotion that Roy couldn't exactly pinpoint, but it wasn't very good. He looked at Ed's face which was facing more downward, eyes not meeting the Colonel's. It had the same vacant look as it did when Edward had first stepped into Roy's office. "What happened in the fight?"

"What do you mean? We fought. What else do you do in a fight?"

"That's not what I mean FullMetal," Roy said, starting to get annoyed by Edward's tactics.

"Then, mind explaining what you do mean Colonel?" Ed asked, eyes narrowed.

Roy sighed and looked Edward over. He was pale, almost as pale as he had been the day he had come back from the factory. He had bags under his eyes that only pointed out the fact that he was off colour. This however wasn't the worst of it all. Ever since Edward had been admitted to the hospital, he had been snapping in and out of dazes. When Edward thought no one was looking, he let his face fall into that of pure anguish. "I've seen you get beaten before FullMetal, but never like this. Tell me what happened."

Edward just hung his head. "Maybe I will someday, Colonel, but not now."

Roy sighed again and pushed a stack of papers across he desk towards Edward, and then turning his chair to stare out the window. "Here's your mission assignment. We've been getting messages from a researcher who thinks they have something that might be useful to the military, but due to certain circumstances can't come here himself. Go and see if he has anything worth wild. The location and other specifics are in the file." Roy said, gesturing to the stack of papers.

Ed nodded his head and picked up the papers as he stood. He made his way to the door, but stopped as the Colonel's voice reached him.

"Try and stay out of trouble this time Ed."

Edward looked at Roy over his shoulder, giving him a helpless smile even though he knew he couldn't see it as he was still facing the window. "Yeah, I always try to do that, and yet I always seem to get myself into it," and left the room, shutting it softly as he left. It didn't matter though, that the Colonel couldn't see his smile because the helplessness was laced throughout his voice.

"So where are we going now brother?" Al asked as soon as Edward had exited the office.

"No idea. Here, you check," Edward said, handing the stack of papers over to his brother as he started to walk off. He was glad to get this mission. After his little announcement the other day, the mood at Headquarters wasn't exactly the best. He noticed all the concerned and sad looks the others would give him when they thought he wasn't paying attention, so, of course, he started to avoid them a little bit more. Al kept saying that he was becoming antisocial, since Ed had been engulfing himself in the books at the Central Library for the past couple of weeks now. Ed didn't really care. He didn't care for much at this point. He was getting tired. He just wanted to find the Philosopher's Stone and get this whole thing over with.

* * *

"Hurry up brother or we'll miss the train!" Alphonse called out to him, having already bought the tickets.

"I'm coming Al!" Edward called back and started to walk a bit faster.

They boarded the train just as it was taking off, but that was a normal occurrence for them. Ed plopped himself down in one of the many seats. Al sat across from him and started to talk about their new mission. Ed was only half paying attention though, giving the necessary nods here and there. He looked out the window and watched the unchanging scenery fly by them. Soon he found himself not paying attention to Al at all, all his thoughts and attention instead focused on a certain homunculus. _No no no no! I need to stop thinking about him! _Ed screamed in his mind. He snapped out of that thought process and tried and pay attention to Al's rambling, but of course it didn't last long, and Edward found himself thinking about Envy. Again. _Damn! Why does it have to be this hard? Damnit, if only I hadn't said anything to him than this would be a whole lot easier!_

"Edward!"

Ed jumped and turned to his brother. "Yeah Al?" _Damnit, I must've spaced out again._

Al was quite for a moment. "Are you all right Ed?" Al asked, concern pouring through his voice.

"Huh? Of course I am, Al." Ed said, trying to reassure his brother.

"You've been acting different lately," Al said in a more quiet voice.

Ed slapped on the best grin he could at the moment. "I'm fine, Al, just a little tired, that's all."

Al gave a defeated sigh. "Well if that's all it is…"

"Of course it is! I just need to get more sleep."

Al didn't say anything.

Ed went back to looking outside his window and hoped that they would get there soon.

* * *

Ed stumbled off the train with Al not far behind. Edward set his suitcase down and started to pop his back, letting out a groan as he did so. He had fallen asleep on the cart while Al went to go explore, and it hadn't been the most comfortable positions. When Ed was done, he looked around the train stop and groaned again.

It was nothing but a little wooden platform with one wooden bench. Edward shielded his eyes as a cloud of dust swept by and inspected the town. It was small, but not as small as some of the ones they had been to. It probably consisted of twenty or so buildings, all of which were not in their best shape.

"Well, at least it won't be to hard to find him," Al said, trying to brighten the mood.

"If you say so Al," was all Edward said as he started to make his way toward the town. Once they were in it, they noticed how completely deserted it was. So far, Ed and Al had yet to see a single person. Ed peered in through window displays as they passed, amazed at what he saw in them. At one in particular, he had to stop walking.

In the window was a huge sculpture made of what looked like iron. There were so many intricate weavings and twists that Ed got a headache from trying to follow all of them. Next to it sat just as impressive statues, except smaller. Ed was speechless. If they had this kind of stuff, why was this town so deserted?

"You like it?"

Edward and Al jumped at the sudden question. They turned to see a young man, probably in his early thirties, leaning in the doorway of the shop that held the impressive sculpture. "Yeah… Who are you?" Ed asked.

The man gave a laugh and walked up to the boys. When he got there, he held out his hand to Edward. "Name's Richard, and who do I have the pleasure of meeting?"

Ed slowly took the offered hand and replied, "I'm Edward Elric, and this is my brother Alphonse."

"Hello," Al greeted, slightly bowing.

"Well, Edward and Alphonse, what brings you to Viziton?" the man asked, shaking Al's hand as well.

Ed gave his brother a quick look, which Al returned. "Well actually, we're looking for a man named Haezen Getz."

The man stopped smiling then. "Haezen?" Ed and Al nodded their heads.

"We got a report from the military saying that he had some research that may be useful to us," Edward said.

"We came to see if that was true," Al put in.

"Military? You boys are in the military?" the man asked dumbfounded.

"Only I am," Edward corrected. "So, do you know were we can find him?"

The man sighed. "Why don't you boys come with me?" he said turning to his shop.

Al looked at his brother who just shrugged his shoulders. They followed Richard into the shop. When they entered, they stopped following and looked around at all the wondrous things that the shelves held.

"Come on, back here," Richard's voice strayed out into the room. The boys looked around noticing a hand beckoning them to a back room. When they entered they realized it was a kitchen. "You two want anything to drink?" Richard asked, over at one of the counters. They both politely declined. When the man came and sat down at the table that was in the middle of the room, he sighed. "I'm afraid you boys are too late."

They were both silent for a moment. "Um… Too late for what sir?" Alphonse asked.

"To talk with Haezen. He died couple of months ago," Richard said, sipping his cup.

"Did he leave any records of some kind behind. Any research papers at all?" Edward asked, completely shocked to hear that.

"I can't really tell you that kid. You see Haezen didn't really like to associate with other people. Mostly kept to himself. They only time any of us ever saw him was when he came in to get groceries. Tried talking to him once. Queer sort of fellow. Always rambling about one thing or another," Richard explained.

"Do you know were his house is?" Edward asked not wanting to go back to the Colonel empty handed.

"Sure. It's at the top of the hill 'bout two miles from here, but it'll be gettin' dark in a couple of hours, so you might not want to go there tonight."

"Why? Do have criminals living out here," Edward asked. This whole place was giving him the creeps, and the more the man talked, the more Edward didn't like it.

"Sure do. We have bandits walk around these parts. Being as far east as this town is, ya have to expect it," Richard said, giving a laugh at the end.

"Excuse me sir, but why is the town so deserted?" Al asked.

"Well, this town used to be a wondrous city. We used to have people come from all over Amestria to come and look at our shops, but a couple of years back a disease swept through this town. Can't remember the name of it though, I was only a boy at the time. It killed quite a few. Those who could left, and those who couldn't stayed behind. This of course scared off anyone else from comin'. Not long after that, another civil war happened just at the border. As you can imagine, some of that battle found it's way here. Destroyed half the city. After that, no one's ever bothered to come back, probably still afraid of this place, with good reason," Richard said the last part bitterly. Silence filled the room for a while, but soon Richard was back and talking, mostly asking questions about Ed being in the military. "Hey you two boys can find an inn only down the road from here, seeing as how you'll be spending the night!" Richard said after some time of talking with the boys, the jovialness back in his voice.

Ed gave him a weak smile. "Thanks."

"Don't worry about it. If you have anymore questions feel free to come by and ask me!"

"We will, thank you," Al said, bowing again, and he an Edward left the shop. "Well that was…Um... interesting," Al said, now that they were on the streets again.

"More than that. How old was that report! He said the man's been dead for months now! I'm gonna kill Mustang when we get back!" Edward complained as they went to find themselves the inn Richard had mentioned.

"Now come on Ed, maybe the Colonel didn't know," Alphonse said, trying to calm his brother down. Inside though, he was glad to see that Ed had gotten some of his spunk back.

"I don't care if he knew or not! Two days on that train, and the guy we come here for isn't even alive," Ed whined as they stepped into the inn. They walked up to the front counter to find it empty. Ed looked around, and noticing a bell, hit it a few time while calling out, "Is anyone here?"

A flustered woman came from around a corner and stared at the two. "Yes, can I help you?" she asked, getting behind the counter.

"Yeah can we get a room for two," Edward said.

"Um…Y-yes you can… Hold on for a moment please," the woman said, opening a nearby cabinet full of keys. Finding the one she wanted, she pulled it down and handed it to Edward. "You will excuse me if the room is not in the best condition? We're not very used to customers."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Al said.

Ed went upstairs, leaving Al his wallet to pay for the room. When he finally found their room, he opened the door tiredly. It had wasn't even dark outside, yet Edward found himself extremely tired. Edward threw his suitcase in the corner and going over to the nearest bed, fell unto to it.

"Edward aren't you going to eat anyth-," Al asked as he entered the room as his brother hadn't asked for a meal as well, but stopped when he realized that Edward was already asleep. Al just shook his head, and finding a piece of paper, wrote a note to his brother telling him he'd be in town in case Edward woke up while he was gone. After that, he quietly left the room to allow his brother to get some rest.

* * *

Indeed, Edward did wake up some time later with Al still gone. He looked around, noticing the sun was just beginning to relinquish its spot in the sky, and the note that sat on Al's bed. Edward quickly read over it not really caring where his brother had gone to at the moment. He was about to lay down to try and go back asleep, but felt a queasiness arise in his stomach. He quickly ran into the bathroom, and then to the toilet, to where he then threw up. He leaned back against the wall, once he the twisting in his stomach started to die down. This was something that, unfortunately, Edward was used too. With the amount of food he shoved down his throat, he often got food poisoning. In fact in the past four months or so, he had gotten it about five times. What he wasn't used to though, was the number of times he had been doing it lately. In the past couple of days, Edward had been getting sick at least twice a day. He blamed it on the wound he had received on his stomach, even though it wasn't as nearly as serious as the one on his shoulder had been. Edward went back to the toilet as he felt the bile rise in his throat again. What really amazed him was that even though he had barely eaten anything for the past couple of days, his stomach still found something for him to heave back up.

Edward stood on shaking legs and went over to the sink. He turned on the faucet, splashing the cold water onto his face and neck. After drying his face, he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He really did look quiet awful. Edward shrugged it off, thinking it was just his wounds. His logic being that once they healed, he'd get better.

Edward sat on his bed, pulling off the boots he hadn't bothered taking off earlier as well as his jacket and crawled into the bed, once again falling into a restless sleep.

What Edward didn't know was that he was breaking and all because of the one person he should hate in this world.


	4. Chapter 4

"Brother, are you sure we should get off here?" Alphonse asked as he hesitantly got off the train.

"Of course I do. I'm starving!" Ed said as he hoisted his suitcase over his shoulder.

"Shouldn't we at least call the Colonel and tell him we'll be late?"

"Pfft… That bastard can deal without us calling. Besides we'll only be a couple of hours late," Edward said irritably. When they had gotten to Haezen's house, all they found was scribblings of an insane man. They took the documents, just in case Mustang needed them, but other than that, they didn't look into anything else. They left a day later, catching the earliest train out, and after another day of not eating, Edward was finally getting hungry.

Edward waited while Al asked the ticket man where any restaurants were. When he came back over, they set off towards the middle of the town. "That was a complete waste of time," Edward complained.

"Still talking about your assignment?" Alphonse asked, this being his fifth time hearing about it today.

"Of course I am! Colonel Airhead needs to check those assignments before he goes and hands them out! Making us travel all the way out there for no reason!" Edward said.

Al just chuckled.

"You find this funny A- ahh!" Edward yelled as some kids knocked into him, and causing him to fall over. "Ouch…"

"Brother! Are you alright?" Al asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine Al," Edward said as he sat up. "Who ran into me?" he asked, his voice angrier.

"Some kids. They're gone now though," Al said, while pulling his brother to his feet.

"Yeah, I bet they are… Thanks Al," Edward said, as he bent down to pick up his trunk. They started to walk off when they heard something.

"Ahemm…"

They turned around to see a very angry woman looking at them. "Can we help you lady?" Edward asked.

"You certainly may. You can pay for what you just broke," she said, pointing to a broken vase Edward had knocked over as he had fallen.

"Sorry ma'am! Well fix that, won't we Ed!" Al apologized anxiously.

"Yeah, yeah," Edward sighed, closing his eyes tiredly as he bent to his knees. He clapped his hands together, and put them on the ground. After laying his hands down, he snapped his eyes back open.

The vase was still broken.

"What the?" Edward asked, completely dumfounded. He did the same thing, and as before, nothing happened.

"Well?" the woman's irate voice said. "Either fix it or pay up."

"Brother?"

Ed turned horrified eyes to his brother. "It's not working Al…"

"Wha? Are you sure you're doing it right?" Al asked, just as worried as Ed.

"Yes I'm doing it right, you dope!" Edward yelled, a frantic tone to his voice. He clapped his hands and tried again, and again, and again.

Nothing.

"Try using a circle," Al suggested.

Edward took Al's advice and quickly drew a circle. He clapped and laid his hands upon the circle.

Still nothing.

Edward made a choking noise. _This can't be happening! What's going on!_

"Here, let me try," Al said, fully excepting it not to work. He laid his hands down and in a flash of faint purple light, the vase was fixed.

"Finally," the woman said, bending down to pick up her vase. Before she fully stood, she gave Ed an odd look. Then straightening herself, she walked off.

"Brother?"

_There was no way! How did I mess up something like that?! Why isn't my alchemy working!_

Suddenly, Edward wasn't very hungry anymore.

_**

* * *

Ring ring! Ring ring!**_

"Hello, Colonel Mustang here," Roy said as he picked up the phone. "Alphonse?... Where are you two? You were supposed to be here hours ago. Don't tell me Edward's in the hospital again…," Roy said, more as a joke than anything. "What? How much worse?…. WHAT!" Roy said, standing up from his chair, and slamming his hand on the desk. "That can't be possible! Are you sure?… Alright, just get here as fast as you can," Roy said sitting back down, and putting the phone back on the receiver none to softly. He bent his head down, grabbing the bridge of his nose as he did so.

"Sir?" Hawkeye asked. "Sir, is it the Elrics?"

Roy looked up briefly, noticing he had successfully grabbed the attention of all of his subordinates. "Unfortunately yes."

"Geeze, what happened to them this time, Mustang?" Havoc asked.

Roy didn't answer though. Instead he stood and made his way for the door. "Sir? Where are you going?" Fuery asked.

"To the train station. They'll be arriving in an hour or so," he said turning the doorknob.

"But sir you can't--," Hawkeye tried, but Roy was already out the door. "Stupid man," she muttered and turned back to her work.

"What do you think happened?" Fuery asked, completely worried now.

"Dunno, but it can't be good. The Colonel never gets that upset," Breda said, leaning back in his chair.

"Yeah, and Mustang never goes out of his way to meet Ed either," Havoc stated, putting out his cigarette and grabbing a new one.

"I hope those two are all right," Fuery mumbled.

"We all do, but I don't think they are this time… At least not Edward," Hawkeye said quietly.

That, they could all agree on.

* * *

"Is it true FullMetal?" was the first thing Roy asked them.

Ed looked up at him briefly. "Yeah… It is," he said, voice cracking.

"But how is that possible? Are you sure?" Roy asked, looking down at Edward with disbelieving eyes. This was the FullMetal Alchemist! Hero of the People! The champion among the military dogs! This was the person Roy had faced and had almost lost to! This was a boy who had already lost so much.. Surely fate wouldn't be cruel enough to take this away from him too?

"I'm pretty sure Colonel," Edward replied in the same voice.

It seemed that fate was just that cruel.

Roy sighed, not knowing what to do. "Come on back to Headquarters. We can talk more there," Roy said in the gentlest tone Edward had ever heard from him. Edward just meekly nodded his head, and he and Al followed Roy back to his office.

* * *

"What happened at Viziton?" Roy asked while he and Ed currently sat alone in Roy's office. When they had come back, Edward had gained more than enough startled looks. People had stopped along in the hallways to stare at him. Edward was well known within the military. What fourteen-year-old state alchemist wouldn't be? That wasn't the only reason though. Edward, whether he realized it or not, was just one of those people that others just naturally gravitated towards. He defiantly got things rolling when he strolled down these halls. Whether it was someone calling him short, or Edward just being his naturally loud and obnoxious self, he defiantly stirred up the usually boring military life routine. Many knew him on a first name bases, so as you can imagine, it was quite shocking to see a walking corpse in the place of fire that Edward usually walked with.

"Nothing happened there. The man you sent us out for had been dead for months by what the people in the town said. We went up to his house to find nothing but notes that made no sense. Ramblings of an insane old man really," Edward said in a lifeless tone.

"When was the last time you used your alchemy?"

Ed was silent for a moment, trying to recall the information. Edward leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. "Not since before I went to the factory…"

"Edward, you have to tell me what happened there," Roy urged.

"There's nothing to tell."

"There is! You need to stop being a child and tell me what happened!" Roy said, his voice gaining volume.

"I gave up all claims to childhood when I became a dog of the state as someone told me," Edward said, getting irritated now.

"Then why won't you tell me what happened!" Roy said yelling now.

"If anything that happened there had anything to do with this, don't you think I'd tell you?" Edward yelled back, glaring at Roy. Edward hung his head again. "Damnit… We've come so far… I can't stop now," Edward said, quieter and more to himself than anyone.

Roy sighed, getting his temper under control. "Edward, do you know how alchemy works?"

"Of course I know how it works! How could I use it if I didn't?" Edward asked bitterly, thinking the Colonel stupid for asking such a question.

"How does it work?"

Ed looked up. He couldn't be serious, but Edward had never seen the Colonel look more serious. Edward sighed, seeing no harm in humoring Mustang for now. "Alchemy is using the flow of power that is dictated through the transmutation circle. Different circle, different flow of power, different outcome. We alchemist must be able to accept that flow, understand it, and use it to create or destroy whatever we wish while staying within the laws of alchemy," Edward said, remembering the words of his teacher.

"Correct. You Ed, however, get rid of the visible circle, rerouting the power used in a transmutation inside your own body. Some people suspect that if you obstruct that flow of power, you are unable to use alchemy anymore, with or without a circle. If that's true, the only thing we need to know is what's obstructing your flow. Now tell me what happened at the factory," Roy said, a hint of begging in his voice.

"Envy…" Edward painfully whispered.

"What?" Roy asked, not catching it. Instead of answering though, Edward stood and made his way towards the door. "Edward! Where are you going?" Roy yelled, getting out of his chair, and going over to Edward who had stopped walking.

Edward looked over his shoulder at Roy. "I need to think," he said and turned around, and began walking again.

_No… It can't be…_ Roy thought, speeding up to catch Edward who was already out the door. _Not now…_ Roy could here his subordinates and Al calling Edward's name in concern, and watched as Edward not only kept walking but speed up as well.

"Mustang? What's going on?"

"Sir!"

"Sir, what's happening?"

"Colonel, what's wrong with my brother?"

Roy heard them all ask, but didn't stop to answer. _He couldn't have! _he yelled in his head as he watched Edward fall to the ground. "Edward!" he called, and ran up to catch the boy. He could hear footsteps rushing to do the same thing. Roy caught Ed just before he hit the ground, falling to his knees as he did so. Edward's body was burning up. Roy could feel the heat through Ed's clothes, and see the sweat pouring down his face. He could hear the people around him asking what had happened, but Roy's mind was too preoccupied. "He has," Roy whispered, almost inaudibly, though they heard it all the same.

"Sir?"

"Colonel?"

"Mustang?"

"What do you mean he has?"

The FullMetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, champion among the military dogs, Edward Elric had finally and painfully broken.


	5. Chapter 5

He was ten again. He was running through the fields of Resembool as he made his way back to his house. As he saw his mother in the distance, he waved to her. She waved back, the same smile Edward loved so much was present on her face. Then, she crumbled to the ground.

Everything went black.

Edward looked around him, trying to figure out what happened.

"Why Edward?" a voice echoed around the black abyss. Edward kept turning his head in hopes of finding where the voice was issuing from. "Why couldn't you put me back together?" It came again.

"Wha-?" It changed again. Colours began to swirl together and bleed into each other. They kept spinning until they snapped into place.

Pain erupted from Edward's leg and he fell unto the ground. He gripped his right knee, screaming, as blood poured forth, coating the floor as well as Edward's hands in the red liquid.

"Not this again… Please, anything but this…" Edward pleaded softly, his head resting on the concrete floor as tears streamed down his face. "I'm sorry… Mom… I'm so sorry… Please forgive me."

The colors began to move again, and Edward breathed a sigh of relief, as he closed his eyes. When he opened them he was standing in front of an alley. Rain poured from the sky, as Edward looked around himself. As he looked, his eyes came to rest on the back wall of the alley. Blood coated it, and it was then Edward remembered what this place was.

He fell to his knees, his legs shaking so much that they couldn't support him any longer. "Nina."

"It gets lonely here with just Daddy… Won't you come back and play with me little big brother?…" Nina's voice stretched warped. Ed clutched his head and shook it, trying to dispel the words and voices that begun to enter his thoughts.

"Why did you even come here?"

"Brother?"

"Can't you fix me Edward?"

"What right did you have to take that away from us?"

"Edward, why does it hurt here?"

"I can never forgive you."

"You did it because you can."

"Edward darling."

"For caring that bastard's blood!"

"We're not much different, Edward."

"Don't forget!"

Edward screamed.

* * *

"Edward! Edward!"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. He just started screaming! Brother!"

"I need some help in here!"

"I'm sorry."

"What's he saying?"

"I don't know."

"Uhn! Hold him down!"

"Please. I'm sorry."

"Hand me that syringe!"

"Nina."

"Who's that?"

"I don't know, just hurry up and help me!"

"He's a strong one alright!"

"No!"

"It's okay, Edward. Just go to sleep. You'll be fine."

"I… I'm so sorry… Mom…"

* * *

"Nng…" Edward opened his eyes. When he did, he was assaulted with a blinding light, so he quickly shut them again. He brought his right hand up to his face, letting the cool metal take some of the heat in his face away. He tried opening his eyes again, this time at a much slower rate. When his vision focused he looked around, trying to get his bearings. Nothing. He didn't know where he was. He sat up and looked again, now seeing Al in the corner.

"Alphonse?" he said quietly. He was surprised to hear how scratchy his voice sounded.

Alphonse looked up, and seeing his brother awake, quickly went to his bedside. "Are you okay Ed?"

"My head's killing me, but other than that I'm fine." Another sweep of the eyes around the room. "Al, where am I?"

"You're in the hospital Ed." Alphonse answered quietly while he watched his brother intently.

"The hospital huh? What'd I do this time?" Edward asked, letting out a breathless laugh.

"I'm… I'm not sure… After you came out of the colonel's office, you just suddenly collapsed."

"The colonel's office?" Edward asked quietly, more to himself than Alphonse. _When was I-? Oh… Right…_ Edward looked down at the palms of his hands.

"Yeah... Oh! He said to call when you woke up!" Alphonse said, leaving the room to get the phone.

Edward sat in silence, barely registering what Alphonse had just said. He felt like he was going to be sick, and this headache wasn't letting up any.

"Mr. Elric! You're awake! That's good, that's good."

Edward looked up when he heard the unrecognizable voice. It was a man in his late twenties by the looks of it. He was smiling up at Ed as he walked over to his bed. He had brown wavy hair that hid part of his brown eyes. He wore plain black slacks and his shirt wasn't viewable as a white coat hung over it. _Guess this is my doctor._

"How are you feeling Mr. Elric?" he asked, pulling up a chair and picking up a clipboard and pen.

"Fine, and just call me Edward," he said, watching the man out of the corner of his eye.

"Edward it is then! Fine huh? Have any pains anywhere?"

"No. Nothing besides a slight headache," Edward replied slowly.

The man scribbled his answer down. He looked at his list, up at Ed, and then back to his list again. "Umm… Did anything happen before your admittion here?" the man asked cautiously.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Edward asked, a little defensive with the odd question.

The man held up his hands. "Hey, calm down. I'm just asking regulated questions for patients like you."

"Patients like me?"

"Uh-huh," he said, lowering his hands and looking at the clipboard, flipping back and forth between some of the pages as he did so. "Says you've been a real struggle lately. Had to give you a dose couple of hours to keep you calm."

"Every couple- How long have I been here?"

"About a week," the man said, watching Edward's reaction closely.

"A week… A week! I've been out for a week!"

"Yes, that is what I just said."

_How could I have slept for an entire week? There's no way! Even with my most severe injuries, I've only ever been out for a couple of hours! How is that-? Wait… Dose?_ "What do you mean by 'giving me a dose'?" Edward asked, turning his head fully around to get a better view of the man.

The man was silent for a moment before answering. "It seems you've been having nightmare. Serious ones too. They said you were all over the place! Opened up your wounds a couple of times from what I hear," the man said non-chalantely.

Edward turned his head and looked out the window that hung on the wall. _Damnit… I thought I'd stopped having those…_

"This was why I asked if anything happened before you came here. If your symptoms are all physiological, then we need a different treatment for you. No amount of drugs will fix those kind of scars," he said quietly. "…Edward, we need to know… Did anything happen… Anything at all?"

"No." Edward said harshly. Why did everyone seem to be asking him that question?

The man sighed and got off of his chair. "Have it your way Edward. I'll be sending a nurse in in a couple of minutes to check your wounds," he said as he walked to the door.

Edward didn't reply.

"Oh! By the way, name's Morris, James Morris. I'll be your personal doctor while you're here. I hear you're always in a rush to get of places like these, and so, I feel it is my duty to tell you that I will not discharge you until I am fully convinced that you are healthy enough to keep on with your usual business," he said as he walked out of the door.

"What!" Edward yelled. He was about to get out of the bed and chase after the man when Alphonse walked into the room.

"What're you screaming about now brother?" Alphonse asked while pushing his brother back unto the bed.

"That guy just said I couldn't leave here!" Edward said as he tried to get back up.

"Of course you're not leaving! Ed, you're not healthy. You need doctors right now!" Alphonse said as he tried to keep his struggling brother down.

"I'm fine! We need to get back to looking for the Stone! We've already been out a week because of me; we can't afford anymore time!" Edward tried to persuade his brother. He needed to get out of here! They were wasting precious time while they sat here. Edward needed to move, do something! Doing nothing left him time to think, and thinking only led him to remembering. He didn't want to remember… Not now…

"What's the point of looking for the stone if you're gonna kill yourself before we even find it!" Alphonse yelled.

"What?" Edward asked as he stopped struggling.

"With the rate you've been going down at, it's not unthinkable! You haven't been taking care of yourself! You've been in the hospital more times in the last three months than you have for the couple of years before them! You haven't been eating, which was a small reason, but one reason, why you collapsed. You barely talk to anyone anymore, and you've done nothing but bury your nose in books!" Alphonse yelled at Edward. Edward lay there, trying to take it all in, but he couldn't. He couldn't believe Al was telling him all of this. "I'm worried about you brother… I don't want to look for the stone anymore if it means costing you this much," Alphonse finished quietly.

"What're you talking about Alphonse?" Edward asked quietly.

"I-"

"Ah, so Edward Elric is awake!" a woman said as she stepped into the room. "Is there something wrong?" she asked, taking in Ed' face and position.

"No, everything's fine," Alphonse said quietly as he went to leave the room.

"Alphonse wait!" Edward called, but Al didn't turn around.

He tried to get out of bed again, but this time the nurse stopped him.

* * *

Roy strode down the hospital hallways looking for Edward's room. _Why did Ed have to wake up on my day off? Why couldn't he have woken up during work hours, then I'd have a good excuse to stop?_ Roy complained to himself as he turned down the hallway that held Ed's room. _He really is a handful isn't he?_

Roy slid open the door, ready to voice all of his complaints to the blonde-haired teen, but stopped when he realized the room was empty. He stood in the doorway, not knowing what to do. _Do I have the wrong room?_

"Excuse me Miss?" Roy called to a passing nurse.

"Yes, can I help you?" she said, stopping in her walk, and turning to face Roy.

"Is this Edward Elric's room?" he asked, jabbing a thumb to the room behind him.

"Room 218. Yes, that would be his sir," she said quietly and began to walk off.

"Ah, wait! You wouldn't happen to know where he is, would you?" Roy asked, guessing he was in an examination for something.

"He's in his room sir," she said, thoroughly confused.

"No, he's not," Roy clarified, just as confused about her statement as she was with his.

"He what?" the nurse yelled. She went over to the door and looked in for herself. Yup, defiantly empty. "Doctor! We have another issue with the Elric patient!" she called to a man down the hallway.

The man sighed heavily. "What is it now?" he called back tiredly.

"He's missing!"

_Damnit Edward_, Roy thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache begin to form. _Why do you always have to be so much trouble?_

* * *

"So this is where you've been hiding."

Edward looked up to see a panting Roy hovering above him. "Colonel? Why are you here?"

Roy gave him a crooked smile. "Looking for you. When they found out you were missing, they thought you had skipped town or something, or, considering your luck, managed to get kidnapped or something. They have a whole team of soldiers right now looking for you," he said, sitting back on the floor. Edward looked at him, his eyes going up and down Roy's body. "What?" Roy asked, glad he had kept the embarrassment out of his voice.

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing. It's just odd to see you in civilian clothing is all," Ed said, laying back down and picking up the book he had been reading before he had fallen asleep and began reading it again. Or, at least, attempting to read it.

Roy looked down at his attire. He was wearing plain brown pants and a random white shirt and black jacket. Nothing too odd, but then he remembered Edward had never seen him out of his uniform. Roy looked over at Ed. He had a book up like he was reading it, but he obviously wasn't. His eyes were glued to one spot on the page and they held a distant look to them. Roy sighed again. "So," Edward looked over, "any particular reason you left the hospital, FullMetal?"

After looking at Mustang for a moment, Edward turned back to his book. "I just needed to get out of there for awhile," he said softly.

"Is that all?" Roy shut his eyes and leaned back a little. "I knew you hated hospitals, but I didn't know you hated them tha-"

"I don't hate them," Edward interjected. Roy looked over at him. "It's sitting there and doing nothing I hate doing. Especially when it's for a stupid reason like that."

"Really? A stupid reason like your health?" Roy gave a short laugh. "That's funny, because from what I've seen and heard, your condition is anything but," Roy said seriously. Edward jumped a little at that comment, but otherwise didn't respond. Roy narrowed his eyes. "Especially those dreams you've been having. All the doctors are telling me how you've been a real problem with those, you trashing around and screaming and all. Heard in one of your fits, you actually knocked one ou-"

"Shut up!" Edward yelled as he sat up. Roy narrowed his eyes at Edward who glared back. "You don't know what I see when I have them!" The words flew out of his mouth without Ed even realizing it. When he replayed them in his mind, he could've slapped himself for whining so much. He deserved them anyways…

"I don't, so why don't you tell me?"

Ed looked horrified at the very thought of it. He flopped back down and covered his eyes with his arm. "Why should I?" he asked quietly.

"Edward, please…"

Ed jumped at the tone. It was utter desperation and pleading. Ed raised his arm slightly so he could look at Roy. He had the most genuinely concerned face Edward had ever seen on his or anyone else's face. He put his arm back down.

They sat in silence for what seemed like decades. Roy was opening his mouth to tell Edward to forget it when Ed began talking.

"I can see them all… It always starts with the night we transmuted her. It's all so clear. We were so confident that it would work. But then it happened. Al was being taken from me, and the pain from losing my leg comes back again. When the backfire ended and I saw what we created, it… it wasn't human. She always used to smile when we did alchemy for her. She even asked me to transmute a ring of flowers for her right before she died… But now… All I can hear her asking is why I couldn't fix her," Ed now held both palms to his eyes, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to come forth, but horribly failing. "It used to be just her, but I can hear Nina now too. The night she was turned into a chimera… She was in so much pain, and I couldn't do anything for her…" His voice was cracking now. Tremors wracked his body, and he fought desperately to retain what little control he had left of his body. "I can hear all of them… Nina, Rose, my mother, and uhn–" Envy's name came out as a sob. He couldn't say it yet. It was still too painful. "I couldn't do anything for them… If anything I made things worse… I've been so wrong lately that I don't know if what I'm doing is right anymore. Tucker said I was just like him, maybe he wasn't so wrong…"

Roy couldn't believe Ed was telling him all of this. Ed was opening up to him! It made Roy so terribly happy and so incredibly sad to realize what all Ed had gone through. He listened to it all, soaking it all in and saying not a word. But when Ed talked about Tucker, he couldn't remain silent anymore. "You're nothing like him Ed!" he yelled, pulling Ed's hands away from his eyes so that he would look at him. "Don't ever think that! You made mistakes, and your paying for them. Isn't that enough? Why do you have to put all these extra burdens on top of that? All that guilt Edward, it's not healthy and it'll get you nowhere," Roy said fiercely.

Ed couldn't handle that. "Why are you acting like you care so much?" Edward yelled at him, not wanting to hear what Roy was saying. So long he had believed that he deserved all of that… If he started hoping now… He couldn't! It couldn't be true!

"I'm not acting!" Roy yelled back.

"Then why do you care?" He wanted Roy to go away now. He needed to think about all of this.

"Tch." Roy didn't say anything, and instead leaned down and planted a soft but firm kiss on Edward's lips. "That's why," he said softly when he came back up.

Edward couldn't speak. What was he supposed to say to that? How was he supposed to respond? Ed didn't know, so instead, remained silent.

Roy looked at Ed's shocked expression. "Look, I don't expect you to feel the same way back. It's just… Damnit Ed! You need to realize there are people who care for you, people that would gladly help you carry some of that wait on your shoulders if you'd only let us," Roy said quietly, moving his grip from Edward's wrists to his hands.

It all started to sink in now. Everything Roy had said hit him with full force, and that brought a new set of tears to the surface. Edward began to silently cry, Roy being there the whole time he did so.

* * *

**Thank you all for revwiewing and reading S&S. I hope you thoroghly enjoyed ch.5.**

**Sorry it took so long to update... I had to go back to school, and after that I really didn't have anymore time to write to S&S. Sorry! Ch. 6 should be up in a week at most.**

**Thank you again for reading S&S!**


	6. Intermission

**This is a whole little snipit thing done in Envy's P.O.V.**

**Hope you all will enjoy it, and I hope I kept in character.**

**Thank you all for reviewing and reading, and I hope you'll continue!**

* * *

INTERMISSION

Envy currently sat outside Edward's hospital window, thinking of the report he would have to give his master. He had to check in with his master every two weeks, or she would send Lust and Gluttony after him. The master did this to make sure nothing had happened to the boy, and so that she knew Envy was still doing the task she had given him. But what was he going to tell her this time?

His head went to look at the figure of a sleeping Edward. It was killing him. Edward was still suffering from his nightmares, even though they were getting better. They had gotten to the point where Edward barely needed any sedation through the times he was asleep. All this ever since he came back with Mustang.

_Mustang_.

Envy spat the name like poison in his mind. How he hated that man. It had taken every ounce of his self-control not to rip the man off of Edward that night at Central Library. How dare he! Not only had Mustang been the source of Edward's comfort, he had also kissed him! That bastard had actually laid his lips on Edward's. The anger he felt course though him then made his form ripple. Envy wanted so badly to go find the man so that he could rip his throat out, but Edward was stirring again. Envy crept into the room. He lightly steeped over to Edward's bed.

Edward was starting to toss and turn and mutter under his breath. Envy leaned down close to Edward's face. He brushed a few loose strands of hair off of Edward's face. He was absolutely gorgeous. Edward's brows were coming closer together, and he started to grip his pillow harder. "Calm down, runt," Envy said quietly, continuing to stroke the side of Edward's face. He paused though when he came closer to his forehead. Envy outstretched his palm, lying across Ed's forehead. "Human's aren't supposed to that hot, are they?" Envy asked himself quietly. Even with Envy's dulled senses, he could feel Edward's body heat. That wasn't a good sign.

To Envy, it seemed like the longer Edward was here, the worse he got. Edward was someone that always needed to be in motion, to keep moving no matter how banged up he might be. _Sitting in one room day after day must be driving him mad._ Edward stirred again, muttering someone's name under his breath. "I thought I told you to calm down, runt," Envy whispered, quite surprised when Edward seemed to obey him. Edward released his very tight hold on his pillow, and his face became peaceful once again.

Envy smiled to himself as he let his hand go back to it's stroking. His fingers ran over that smooth skin, those delicate features. They ran up and down before they came to a rest at Edward's lips. Envy froze then. He didn't think he could remember a time when such longing had swept through him. He wanted so badly to touch those lips with his own as Mustang had. That part would be easy, though. Envy could do that anytime he snuck up on Ed while he was asleep like this. No, what he really wanted, where all that longing went to, was that he wanted Edward want it too. He wanted it to where if Envy ever did kiss Edward, he wanted Edward to kiss back.

That would be impossible though.

Envy and Edward were enemies, whether he liked it or not, and there was no way Envy could get around that. Even if Envy took the words Edward had said to him that night in the factory and stretched them to where Edward didn't think of him as an enemy, Envy could never stretch them far enough to mean love.

Envy could hear footsteps coming now. He knew he should get going, but _damn_, his fingers were still over Ed's lips. He couldn't move. It wasn't fair. That pipsqueak shouldn't be able to do this to him. They were getting closer now, almost to the door, and Envy was still transfixed. It wasn't until the doorknob started to turn that he returned to his senses. He quickly went over to the window and leapt to a nearby roof just as a nurse began opening the door.

Envy slumped to his knees. He hung his arms over the roof and watched as the nurse checked Edward's condition. Envy sighed to himself, lying his head down on the cold stone. In no way was this fair. In all of his 400 years, never had a person been able to do this to him. Never had words affected as much as Edward's had.

Envy wanted desperately to believe those words, but for some reason, couldn't bring himself to. Those words went against everything Envy knew he was. Envy was by no means a saint, or even remotely good. He could kill without a second thought. _Hell_, he would even enjoy it if the fight before it was good enough. He was selfish, arrogant, had an extremely short temper, and the 400 years before Edward had been there, he cared for no one other than himself. There was absolutely no possible way to morph that into anything better. No possible way to make him into anything more than he was. A monster.

So, Envy would replay Edward's words over and over again, subconsciously hoping that they would become reality, because his current existence was nothing but pathetic.

Envy lifted his head. It was about time to go see his master. Envy got up, sparing Edward one last glance and left. As he did, a mix of emotions rose up within him. One was that overwhelming longing that was always sent Edward's way. The second was boiling rage. He was angry at himself for being so weak. Lowering himself to the humans. It was disgusting! To think he was letting these trivial emotions over run him. That was only a small portion however. Most of the rage was sent Mustang's way. It had been four days since Edward had told Mustang of his troubles, and within those four days, he had gotten increasingly better. Envy hated that and loved it all at the same time. He was glad Edward was getting better, but the thought that that might be because of Mustang sent Envy over the edge.

His heart raced as his blood quickly rushed though him in his anger. Vicious thoughts of ripping Mustang apart coursed throughout his mind, relaying themselves before Envy became bored with them. He stopped jumping and looked back. He could just barely see the hospital now. As much as he struggled to keep them out, images of the sleeping blonde bombarded his thoughts. With half his mind idly thinking of the most gruesome ways to take care of Mustang and half reluctantly stuck on the tiny blonde alchemist, the only solid thought he had spinning around in his mind was that he could _not_ let Mustang have Edward.

* * *

INTERMISSION


	7. Chapter 6

**Well... Here it is... Sorry it took so long, and sorry it probably wasn't worth the wait. More is comming, so, hopefully, you guys won't have to wait as long as you did with this one.**

**Sorry again for the, what, two months it took to put this up...**

* * *

"Stop following me here," Edward ordered harshly as he threw down another book.

"It's this, or I could tell them where you've been going," Roy replied back, leaning against one of the large bookshelves that were found in the Central Library.

Edward stiffened at the threat. "Don't you have work you need to do? Wait… Don't answer that, I know how you work," Edward said, picking up a worn leather bound book. He flipped through the pages for a while before throwing that one down as well.

Roy smirked at the comment. He had gotten nothing but lousy paperwork for weeks. Nothing that needed his attention now.

"Why are you here anyways?" Edward's voice broke into Roy's lazy thoughts.

"Really, Edward?" Roy asked, not knowing whether the blonde was serious or not. _He couldn't be._

"Yes, really," Edward said, tone getting heated.

Roy sighed as he let his neck go slack, causing his head to fall forward. He rubbed the back of his neck. Really, he should've known. For as smart as Edward was, he was amazingly naïve. "So if anything happens, I'll know about it," Roy lied easily enough. Edward gave Roy a suspicious look before returning to the bookshelf.

Roy watched Edward as he scanned the shelves, putting a finger against the spine of every book, lips moving as he read the title to himself. Those golden eyes of his were as attentive as Roy had ever seen them, narrowed slightly as they swept back and forth. Edward's mouth was in a frown, unpleased by the lack of results his little trips here have shown. Roy smiled as Edward's eyes would light up a bit as he would quickly pull a book down. Roy hadn't been totally lying when he said he was only here to make sure that Edward didn't do anything stupid. No, he had only been half lying. The other reason was for this right here. Edward was absolutely adorable right now, and there was no way Mustang was going to pass up this opportunity.

He heard Edward grumble something as he threw down another book. Roy let out a long sigh. It was a lazy and content one though. It was going to be a long night, but a highly enjoyable one.

* * *

Hours had passed by the time Edward finally found a worth wild book. He hurriedly scanned the pages for any useful information, sometimes taking out the brown, leather-worn book he always kept in his pocket to make notes. He was finishing up a particular passage about the great works when a sound reached his ears. He looked up to see Roy had his eyes closed, chest rising and falling in deep, rhythmic patterns that always accompanied those in sleep.

Edward looked over him with narrowed eyes. He really didn't know what to think of Mustang since his little tell all. Edward still couldn't believe he had done that, but he also couldn't deny how good it had felt to finally tell someone. Al was great and all, but Edward knew he wouldn't be able to handle all that information. Edward would never tell Al any of this. Al would only blame himself. He wouldn't let that happen.

Ed's mind wandered back to that night, replaying everything that happened that day. He still had no idea what to make of that kiss. Mustang couldn't really like him, could he? And if he did, what did Edward feel about him? Edward took a minute to think about that… Nothing… Absolutely nothing romantic was there. Those feelings were all for Envy at the moment.

Edward gritted his teeth as a sharp pang went through his chest at the thought of Envy's name. He really needed to forget about him. It was impossible. There could never be anything between them. Edward and Envy were enemies, they hated each other, nothing more, nothing less. That's just the way it had to be.

Ed decided that that thought process was just a bit too dangerous right now. He didn't want to get lost in depressing thoughts. That would only make his nightmares worse. So, he switched back to the subject of Roy. The kiss had been good he guessed. He didn't really have anything to compare it to. It hadn't been anything special. He hadn't experienced anything but plain shock. Edward wondered what would happen if him and Roy ever did go into a relationship. He spent minutes thinking about it… Nothing… Every time Edward tried to visualize it, he would never get anything worth wild. Not like when he thought about Envy.

It didn't matter how much it hurt to think about him, if Edward just ignored the pain it was wonderful. His stomach began twisting, but not in a painful way, more as a light nervous way. His heart would beat so fast that he couldn't tell the difference between one beat and the next. He felt warmer and lighter. He could feel a tugging at his lips that he knew he wouldn't be able to ignore for long. It was horrible, awful, impossible, wonderful, a tragedy, and the greatest thing that Edward had ever experienced, had ever known. He was in love with Envy.

He snapped out of his musings as Roy gave another grunt in his sleep. Edward took out his pocket watch and gasped at the time. He needed to get back to the hospital. He quickly stood, picking up several books as he did so. He stuffed them back on the shelves. He ran back over to Mustang and shook him awake.

"What is it?" he mumbled.

"Get up, we need to go," Edward hissed at him.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," he said as he drifted off to sleep.

"Mustang!"

"Why do you need to go back now?"

"'Cause if I don't, I won't be able to sneak back into the hospital!" Edward yelled, standing up. Roy made some noises that were probably words, but as it was, Edward couldn't figure them out. "Mustang! Wake up or I'm leaving without you!" Edward yelled. Roy made no move. "Fine!" Edward stomped off, grabbing his coat before running out of the library.

Edward shivered a bit as the cold air reached him. He took off running, slipping on his jacket as he ran. The cold air stung at his cheeks. An uncomfortable sting filled his lungs with every sharp intake of breath. He deserved it though. He should've been watching the time closer.

He reared a corner and prayed Al would come in late. For the past week since Ed had been awake, Al, who was currently staying with the Hughes, dropped by to check up on Ed. Every night, it was at the same time, 7:30. It was currently 7:25. Ed usually left the library at 7:10. It usually gave him enough time to pick up whatever mess he had made, walk briskly back to the hospital, and get situated before Al came.

Shops and people blurred in his vision as he sped past them. The sun was just beginning to set now, giving everything a slightly orange hue. Ed didn't stop to take any notice though as he picked up his pace while he counted off the minutes in his head. Again, he prayed that Al would be late.

* * *

Edward hopped off the windowsill in his hospital room. He was extremely glad to have a tree right outside his second story room window; otherwise he would never be able to sneak out of this place. He hurriedly slipped off his boots, flinging them under the bed. He then went on to tug of his shirt and pants, switching into the hospital required attire. He could hear the familiar clinking of metal as his brother got closer to the room. Just as the door began to slide open, Edward slipped into the bed.

The door opened fully to reveal not only his brother, but also Dr. Morris. Edward scowled as the man walked in. The man returned Ed's scowl with an energetic smile.

"Well, Edward, it's nice to see you too!" the man said sarcastically. Edward's scowl deepened. "Now, now, that's not the face you give someone who has come to bring you fantastic news!" the man scolded.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Enlighten me to what this grand news is," Edward said, annoyance evident in his tone.

"Fine, fine. You're no fun, are you Edward… I have decided that you are well enough to finally leave this place," the man said in a bored tone.

Edward was silent for a moment. "Are you serious?" he asked incredulously.

"Edward, I do not kid with my patients. You have made a miraculous recovery. All I can say to explain your condition was too much stress. I here military officials have it tough, the state alchemists even more so. With all the attacks and small uprisings it's no wonder this country isn't lookin' too good," the man shook his head as he sighed. Edward remained silent as did Alphonse. "Edward, you're only a child. Now don't look at me like that! We adults can barely handle the norm, and those who have anything above the normal bit of life are hanging on by a thin thread, Edward… You can't handle all of this. The fact that it took so long for you to finally break down is a miracle in and of itself… I know my opinion doesn't matter, even if I'm a doctor, so I won't tell you how to run your life, but please, take some time off every once and a while," he begged.

Edward looked him over, running the man's speech through his head. He nodded, slowly.

A small and relieved smile spread over the man's face. "Now, all you have to do is sign out at the front desk, and you can be off to do… what ever state alchemists do. I can honestly say you were the most difficult patient I've ever had, so, it is without further ado that I say, and gladly mind you, goodbye, Edward!" Dr. Morris said before leaving the room.

"Well… That's great news Edward!" Al said after a moment of shocked silence. He turned to face his brother who was already out of bed and changing. Al mentally smiled. "I'll go and get those papers," Al said softly before leaving the room.

"Okay Al," Edward said as he switched shirts. He sat down on the bed once he was in his usual black tank top. He was so extremely happy to finally get out of this hospital. Finally, he could actually go out and do something and stop wasting time here… Edward kept repeating those thoughts in his head, trying to quell the sudden nervousness that had overcome him when Mr. Morris had delivered his news. It was so heavy he felt as though he was going to be sick. He swallowed though, pushing down the bile that was slowly rising in his throat. Now that he could leave, there was that much more of a chance for him to see Envy again. He didn't know how he was going to face the sin again.

Edward placed his head in his hands. He had started to shake by just thinking of a possible meeting with the sin. Anticipation, worry, trepidation, anxiousness, loss, fear, and an overwhelming amount of happiness coursed through out him. They knocked against him, threatening to pull him under if he didn't fight every second.

Edward brought his head up. It rested on his thumbs as his fingers went over his mouth and nose in his pathetic attempt of hiding the elated smile that had decided to spread across his mouth… Maybe seeing Envy again wouldn't be that bad after all…


	8. Chapter 7

**Short chapter, I know, and sorry about that, but I think you'll be a little more happy to hear that the 8th or 9th chapter(haven't decided which one yet) is so far, six or so pages. So again, sorry for the short chapter, but hope ya enjoy anyways!**

* * *

"Are you sure you should be doing this now?" Roy asked, looking Ed up and down.

Edward rolled his eyes before fixing the colonel with an unwavering gaze. He really didn't think that question deserved an answer.

Roy sighed, signaling his defeat. "Fine, fine. Well, we don't really have anything for you. It's been slow around here, guess we should be thankful for that," Roy said as he leaned back into his chair. He twisted around some to where part of the chair now faced the window. "So go off gallivanting in some abandoned town or whatever you do when you don't have work," Roy said as he waved him out.

Edward snorted lightly at Roy's attempt of humour. He turned around, walking to the door. He was halfway there when Roy began to speak again. "Oh, and if anything happens Edward, don't hesitate to call me," he said in a quieter tone, still facing the window.

Edward whipped around, that defiant look shining in his eyes. He was opening his mouth, about to tell the colonel that he wasn't a kid, when Roy's earlier statement echoed throughout his thoughts. _'__You need to realize there are people who care for you, people that would gladly help you carry some of that weight on your shoulders if you__'__d only let us!__'_ Edward froze in the spot as the message ran through his mind. He hung his head as he answered, "Yeah." With that he went to the door and exited the room.

He closed the door quietly behind him. He looked around as silence met his ears. Not of the others were here, not even Hawkeye. It bust really be slow here. He stayed there a moment longer, trying to think of his and Al's next place to venture off to. Usually, Roy was always stopping them in the middle of something. Dragging him back to Eastern Headquarters for a mission that could be done by any foot soldier… usually. But as it was, Ed and Al were at a standstill. Nothing had shone up for weeks, and by now they were both getting pretty desperate.

Edward began to rub his temples as he finally stepped away from the door. He had to think of something to tell Al when he met up with him. Him not having a plan usually ended up with Al getting worried or remorseful. Ed really didn't want to deal with Al in that kind of mood. He walked through the halls of Headquarters, waving off questions of concern from the lower subordinates. He dug out his pocket watch, flipping it open quickly to look at the time before slamming it shut again.

If he didn't meet up with Al in five minutes, he was going to have his ear talked off about his irresponsibility or something worse. Ed picked up his speed tremendously. He _really_ didn't want to deal with Al in the mood.

* * *

"Brother! There you are!" Al called, waving him over. Ed smiled as he walked towards him. When Ed was beside him, Al asked, "What did the colonel say. Did he have any assignments?"

Edward shook his head, taking one of the steaming buns Al had in his arm and began eating it.

Al waited expectantly for the next news that usually followed that statement. Nothing came. After a few moment of Edward being silent, Al ventured out and asked him. "So… um… Where are we going this time?"

Ed flinched slightly as he heard the next question, and at the wavering tone of Al's voice. _Great… _Ed had been unable to think of any destination for them, and now was beginning to suffer the consequences for it. He shrugged his shoulders to Al's question. "No idea. Mustang advised us to run through an abandoned town. Let's find one and go there," Ed said blandly.

"…Brother… Are you serious?" Al asked, looking over his brother worriedly.

Ed sighed in agitation. "No, Al," he said, rubbing his temple again. He should've known better than to try to attempt a joke with Al when he was like this.

"Oh…" was all Al said. They continued to walk in silence. Making their way closer and closer to the train station. "Maybe we should head back north again," Al suggested nervously after he could handle the silence no longer. Edward turned to look at him, quirking one of his eyebrows. "You know, pick up on were we left off. There's been a lot of activity up near the Drachma border, maybe we'll find something up there," Al suggested hopefully.

Ed thought about this for a moment. He didn't see why not. If they looked close enough, after some time, they have to find something. The only problem was, how much time would it take? Edward couldn't even remember why they had been up there to begin with. Following some lead that had been old to begin with no doubt, but after all this time, there was no doubt that by now the lead was dead and cold. Edward smirked at the last bit. Well, it was better than nothing right? He turned to Al, a determined smile spread across his face. "To the North it is," he said before hurrying off to the ticket both, Al following closely behind.

* * *

Ed walked down the aisles of the train, trying to find an enough secluded area so that he and Al could be saved from the constant barrage of stares. It was no doubt that the areas closer to Drachma had been gaining in popularity, but Ed didn't expect it to be this much. To go from almost no travelers to this, Ed was woundering how the cities were dealing with the sudden onslaught of people. Edward had even been hearing that the military was sending more people up north.

They finally found an area, near the back of the train. Ed and Al sat down, sighing with relief when the stares lessened. Ed turned his head, looking out of his window as a light rain began to come down. He looked back to all of the people that were currently occupied the train. He honestly had no idea why they were going up there. From what he heard, the area up there was bitterly cold, and had numerous attacks. The military got constant reports of attacks from the thieves and thugs that hid in the mountains. These people knew of all that, right? So why were they going? Edward looked back to the window. Must be something really good happening up there, was his last thought before his eyes slid closed.

* * *

Edward straightened from his uncomfortable position on the seat, numerous popping sounds happening as he did so. He groaned as he rubbed the back of his neck. He was just in the hospital, sleeping most of the day away, how was it that he had still managed to fall asleep that quickly. He groaned again as another pop from his neck happened. He slumped forward, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He looked at the wooden floor, noticing that something was off. He looked up, and where the image of Al should've assaulted his vision, there was nothing but an empty space.

Edward sighed as he leaned back in his seat. Al was no doubt 'exploring the train' as he would call it, while Ed just called it walking around aimlessly. He looked out of the window, seeing that the sun was out and baring down on all of those below. He grabbed the pocket watch that he always kept on his pocket, making sure no one was looking as he did so. He hurriedly flipped it open, sneaking a peak at the time before snapping it back shut as stuffing it back. It was already 1:23, meaning he had slept for over 3 hours, now wonder Al decided to go and look for something more entertaining to do.

He looked outside, watching as green bled into brown below and blue stayed steady above. After traveling on trains as much as he did, you would think that Edward would be bored of the sight, even hated it, while in all actuality he felt the exact opposite about it. He loved watching everything fly by at such an incredible speed, in fact, he craved it. It meant that even though they were taking so long to find the Philosopher's Stone, that maybe they weren't going as slow as he sometimes dreaded they were. Seeing those shapes blur like that sent his blood flowing, because to him, it signified that things were happening, that Edward wasn't dragging his feet, and he was moving as fast as this world would allow him.

* * *

**Thanks to all of you who reviewed! They were so noce and inspired me to get back on and start really writting to this story, that and reading a shit load of Edvy fanfics!**

**Hope ya'll enjoyed chapter 7 to Sin and Sinner! R&R!**


	9. Chapter 8

**This is it! My biggest chapter yet! Close to ten pages and 7,636 words excluding author's note! Yeah! I'm so happy!**

* * *

Edward flopped onto the bed shortly after entering their hotel room. Al shook his head, closing the door behind Edward. Edward groaned into his pillow, his frustration taking over.

"Two weeks of looking and nothing! We usually always have something by now!" he complained.

Al sighed. "Come on brother, we'll find something. We just need to look harder is all," Al's ever optimistic self promised. Edward grumbled under his breath, sounding dangerously close to cursing. "Brother," Al warned. He never did like Edward's foul mouth.

"Okay, Al," Edward sighed, bringing his head up to rest on his arms. He really did hate his brother's attitude sometimes. Well… maybe not hated. It was more like envied. He was always so jealous of no matter how dark the world around them was, Alphonse always managed to see it clear as day. Edward wasn't an optimist, it went against his very nature. There was no way he could refute something that stood so blatantly clear in front of him, but sometimes he wished he could have Alphonse's childish ignorance back.

He heard Al rustle in the bed next to his, the springs squeaking with a sudden removal of weight. Edward looked up to see that Al had stood, and saw him making his way to the door. Al turned around then. "I'm going to go see if I can find anything in the town."

"Alright Al, just don't stay out late," Edward said, putting his head back down and closing his eyes again. He heard the door softly click shut and the distancing of clanking metal. Edward buried his head further into his arms, blocking out almost all sunlight. He began to run all the information through his. He replayed every conversation they had had the past couple of weeks. Nothing. It was infuriating to Edward to say the least.

Edward flipped over, choosing to lie on his side for now. He tried to make his mind stop thinking, but it was a futile attempt. His body was sore from all the cramped positions he had been sleeping in while on the trains, and was tired from all the walking they had to do to reach the citied that had so far yielded no profit to them.

He flipped to his other side in an effort to find a comfortable position for him to sleep in. It was of no use. His mind wouldn't settle. His irritation from the last month had built to an overwhelming amount, and he was paying for it now. After a few more minutes of trying to fall asleep, Edward sat up. He pulled out his braid, now that it had gotten loose and tangled from all of his fidgeting. He quickly redid it before sweeping his legs over to fall over the side of the bed. He looked around the room, looking for something that he might be able to occupy himself with until he felt like sleeping. He found nothing.

He flopped backwards, the sheets lifting up somewhat with the suddenness of Edward's back slamming into them. He stared at the ceiling, wracking his brain for possibilities. Only one thing came to mind. He sighed, pushing himself up as he did so. This was what his already aching sore body really needed, but he could have it no other way. Nothing else would allow him to sort out his thought to a satisfactory level. So, it was as a creature of habit that he decided to take a walk.

* * *

Edward shut the door softly behind him. He walked down the stairs at a languid pace. He let his hand ghost over the railing as the stairs below his feet squeaked with every step he took. When he reached the bottom of the staircase, he headed for the door. Opening it softly, he quickly slinked outside.

When he stepped out, the cold air blew against his face. He let the aroma of pine and usual mountain air assault his senses before beginning to walk forward again. As he walked he tilted his head up, examining the sky above him. The sky was littered with multiple hues of orange, red and pink, a dark blue lying above it all. The sun was setting now, and in its place on the opposite side of the sky, the moon began to be more pronounced. Ed smiled at it. Nights like these reminded him so much of Resembool.

He trudged forward, heading towards the forest he and Al had passed on their way here. He stepped through the branches, some of them snagging his coat every once and awhile. Twigs snapped under his feet, the only sound in the forest besides the soft rustling from the leaves that swayed above him. After taking in as much of his surroundings as he could, he left his mind drift far from the present.

They still had no leads on the Philosopher's Stone. They had traveled as North as they dared to go for now, hitting every town that got a large deal of travelers. They stayed at small inns. They made sure to always be there at lunch, dinner and breakfast if they could manage it in hopes of weaseling information out of an unexpected passerby. When they weren't in one of the inns, they hit the small shops and restaurants that normal sightseers wouldn't normally go to. Everyday at every town they had done this and nothing. Usually at least something pops up, even if it's downright preposterous.

Ed balled his fists at his sides in frustration. They were getting no were! Every time he thought of that he mourned for the time they had lost while Ed 'lay' in a hospital bed. _What if we had missed someone while I was out of it? What if someone had a lead and we missed it because I couldn't suck it up?_ Ed went further and further into his what ifs finally giving up with a vehement _DAMNIT_, leaving the subject to rest for now.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache begin. What was worse was that Ed was still unable to inform alchemy. If word got out about that, it was all too likely that Ed would be stripped of his title as a State Alchemist. Then where would they be? How could they get anything done? True, they could continue their journey in almost exactly the same way they were doing now. In fact, they would probably have more time to look since Ed wouldn't be dragged back to Easter Headquarters by the colonel to do another mission. But the loss of all those books, the loss of all the privileges and perks that came with being a State Alchemist that helped their search go as smoothly as it had been… There was no way Ed could loose that…

They only problem was, were that he had no idea to fix that. He thought back to Roy's explanation of the potential reason. _'You Ed, however, get rid of the visible circle, rerouting the power used in a transmutation inside your own body. Some people suspect that if you obstruct that flow of power, you are unable to use alchemy anymore, with or without a circle.' _It made sense once Ed really thought about it. Make a mistake in the circle drawn to transmute something, and the transmutation won't work. Since Ed didn't use visible circles, whatever was messing with his alchemy was more than likely psychological. Well, it almost made sense.

If that was the only case, then as soon as Ed used a circle everything should be fine, and he should be able to perform alchemy without a hitch. But that wasn't happening. Ed had tried on multiple occasions to try and transmute something with and without a circle, doing the most simple of transmutations, but to no avail. He didn't understand what he was doing wrong. There was no way you could just stop being able to use alchemy. Alchemy was something you obtain by learning about it, it wasn't like it was some magical gift that would come and go as it pleased. But why, then, was Ed unable to do it.

Ed slowed in his walking, tilting his head back up to face the sky, seeing a sliver of silver as he did so. Ed looked back down, pulling out his pocket watch as he did so. He flipped it open, checking the time. 9:32. He had already been walking for an hour or so. Ed snapped the watch shut, shoving it into his pockets before looking up again. He only caught glimpses of the sky, the overhead of branches being so think that he could barely see beyond them. That's when he noticed a green light.

It sped by his eye, it racing ahead of him. Ed followed it with his eyes, seeing where the thing was going. As he walked forward, he began to see more of them. It was then that he recognized what they were. _Fireflies… Must be a lake or something around here_, he commented to himself. He continued forward, noticing an absence of trees further ahead as he did so. He couldn't help the small gasp that escaped his lips then.

Edward stood in the clearing, looking around himself. The moon was high in the sky now, the area around it illuminated by a pale white light. Edward looked up at the sky, stars and fireflies mixing in his vision. They floated around him, their greenish light flickering on and off. He smiled as he remembered how he, Al, and Winry used to go and hunt them. Almost every night, they would go out, jars and hand, and catch their makeshift nightlights. He took another look around. These were beautiful, but they were nothing compared to the swarms that littered Resembool.

He brought his hands up, them hovering slightly away from his sides. That's when his elation got too far ahead of himself. In a split second he was imagining Envy standing in the clearing as well. His sharp, androgynous features being softly illuminated by the green light. Edward smiled at the picture, it staying there until he realized what he was picturing. His smile fell in a split-second, his hands along with it. His shoulders slumped, and his hands clenched. He went down, sitting on his haunches. He put his face in his hands as he let out a load groan.

It wasn't that he minded the picture. On the contrary, he quite enjoyed it. It was the voice in his head that reminded him that that was all it could be. Nothing but a picture. He let out another groan. "Damnit Envy," he whispered. He separated his fingers, allowing him to peak through without pulling them away from his face. As he looked through the space, the picture came back, except this time more pronounced.

He stood right in front of the trees that surrounded the clearing. His hair swayed softly as the wind blew by. He turned around, fluid and gracefully, His hair now flowing over his shoulders as he bent down and smiled_… Wait, smiled… Envy didn't smile… Well, at least not like that… _Edward kept the picture there for a few more moments before sighing. "Hey, I can dream right," he said softly. He let his arms rest on his knees as he laid his head down on them as well. _Since it's all I can do…_

He stayed like that, unmoving. His mind was so encased in his own thoughts that he failed to hear the noises that his alert self would've noted by now. He kept his head down as twigs snapped behind him, the sound getting gradually closer.

"And what does the great Edo dream about?"

Edward blinked. He brought his head up, looking straight ahead. He blinked a couple of more times before his eyes shut permanently his head flopping forward. He groaned, the third time that night. "Great, now I'm hearing his voice."

"Well, that would be-" Envy's voice retorted as it sniggered. While the voice began to speak, Edward thought his mind was cruel to play such a vivid hallucination or what ever this was. It wasn't until he felt cold fingers go across one side of his cheek, the others going to one of his hands as he felt a body press against his. "-Because I'm talking, Edo-kun," it said, now right against his ear.

Edward froze as his mind went blank. It wasn't until his senses kicked in that he realized what was happening. Edward dropped out of his position, whirling around as he did so. The figure went back, landing neatly a couple of feet away from him. Edward blinked as the figure came into focus. His eyes went wide at what he saw. _It couldn't be…_ "Envy?" he asked, his voice quiet from shock.

He watched as a smirk grew across the Sin's face. He bent down, hands on his hips as he stared at Edward. "That's twice you've said my name, Edo."

* * *

Envy followed quietly behind as Edward ventured about. Why he was taking a walk at this time of day was beyond Envy. He watched as Edward walked towards the woods that surrounded the whole town. Watched the way the wind blew his hair ever so softly around his face, the way he kicked the dirt as he walked, creating small dust clouds, the way that ever so often, he would tilt his head back, examining the sky above him, and watched as his lips would start to curl upwards in a small smile. Envy didn't know why Edward was taking a walk, but he started to wish that this would be a more common occurrence.

So, it was with absolute mirth that he followed the blond alchemist. After awhile, though, he did start to wounder when the boy would stop. When they had left, the sun had been setting, but now the sun was nowhere to be seen. Only the moon occupied the sky. Well, the moon and the thousands of stars that always accompanied it.

Envy was so busy examining the sky that he didn't notice that Edward had stopped, and therefore almost blew his cover. He looked forward just in time to see a clearing and the unmoving form of Edward. Envy raced to a halt, almost falling over on the branch he perched himself on. His eyes snapped shut and he cursed himself for his stupidity as the loud noise of branches swaying and branches snapping filled the quiet area. He reluctantly opened his eyes, them falling on Edward. He was still standing, oblivious to the ruckus that surrounded him.

Envy gave a thankful sigh as he let his body loosen from the tense position. He looked back to see what the alchemist was doing. What he saw made his breath catch. Edward, standing in the clearing, had his head tilted slightly back and to the side. His hands hovered by his sides, his palms spread wide as they faced the sky. His skin was given a slight glow as the fireflies moved around him. His head bent back even further, his hair falling from his face one golden strand at a time. Envy's heart skipped a beat as the smile that graced Edward's features came visible to him. Envy stared in fascination.

Then it disappeared.

In a flash, Edward's smile was gone, his form taking on a defeated look. Envy released the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He frowned at the loss of the sight, but also thanked it. He had to physically hold himself back from taking the boy right then and there. He released the branch he had had a death grip on. He dropped his head, cursing at himself for the earlier thought. _What would be the point? It's not like Edo would consent._

He looked up though his hair, though, as Edward issued a rather loud groan. He saw now that Edward had taken a position on the floor, almost curled up in a ball as his hands went to his face and his face to his knees. Envy watched, curiosity increasing as Edward let out another groan. _Is he alright?_ It was then that Edward said his name. Envy stared, wide eyed at the boy, as any earlier resolve he had shattered.

He watched, completely mesmerized as Edward looked up, though not removing his hands. He watched as his eyes slightly glazed over as Edward stared out in front of himself. Edward sighed, issuing only one statement.

"Hey, I can dream right."

Any attempt to build up his resolve again, broke. Adrenalin pumping through him, Envy slowly slid down to the earth. Soft snapping sounds announced his descent. Envy straightened, smiling at the fact that Edward remained unawares. He came closer, his emotions overriding every warning sign that he should be going the other way, totally destroying his instincts. He was now only a foot or so behind Edward and still he hadn't noticed. He stopped there, judging that that would be enough distance away so that if Edward tried anything, however unlikely that may be, he would be out of harm's way.

"And what does the great Edo dream about?" he asked, his voice softer than he would've liked.

He smirked as he watched Edward pull his head up. He stayed like that for another moment before he groaned again, this time explaining why. "Great, now I'm hearing his voice."

Envy's face fell to that of confusion before it was quickly replaced with amusement. He studied Edward for another second before his need became too great. He went forward. He dropped to the ground right behind Edward who was still unmoving. "Well, that would be," he started, sniggering as he did so. He reached out then. He placed on hand on the side of Edward's face, entangling his fingers slightly with his bangs. Oh how he loved the feel of Edward's hair. The other went to Edward's hand that was that lay beyond his knees, making his press their bodies together to reach it, closing his eyes as they made contact. He brought his mouth right next to Edward's ear, continuing his earlier sentence. "Because I am talking, Edo," he purred.

He relished in the feeling of Edward next to him. All thoughts became slow and muddy, consequences being damned. He wanted this too badly. He wanted Ed to say his name again, just like he had before. He wanted to keep holding Edward like this forever yet wanted to spin him around and claim his mouth right then and there. He gripped Ed's hand tighter as he fought with himself, yelling to not go any further than this. He began to feel Ed start to shift under him, realizing it was time to let go.

He released Ed and jumped back just as Ed spun around. He watched as Edward regained his senses, blinking as his eyes fell on Envy.

"Envy?"

Envy smirked as Edward said his name. It hadn't been exactly what he was going for, but it caused a series of shivers to run up his spine nonetheless. He placed his hands on his hips as he bent down, never taking his eyes off of Edward. "That's twice you've said my name, Edo."

* * *

Edward blinked as everything came to senses. Envy was here. Envy was standing in front of him. He flinched as he felt a pang go through his heart at Envy's nickname for him. He frowned at the sin, though not meeting his eyes. "Don't call me that."

He watched from the corner of his eye as Envy straightened, head cocking to the side as he put on a pout. "You don't like my name for you, Edo?"

Edward grounded his teeth together. It went beyond disliking. He didn't hate the name; he loathed it. He hated all of the nicknames Envy had given him. They all gave off a false closeness that they had… He hated that… It was a constant reminder that they weren't, that it was impossible. "No," he finally managed to get out.

"Hmm, sounds like someone is in a mad mood. Are you not happy to see me Edward?" Envy asked.

Edward could hear the smirk in his voice. He closed his eyes at the question. Yes, he was elated to see Envy. Yes and, "No."

Envy brought a hand to his chest in a show of mock-hurt. "You wound me Edo! And after all that time I spent making them up for you!" he said dramatically.

Edward snorted under his breath.

Envy frowned. "It's true Edo," he said walking closer. Edward stiffened as he watched through his bangs Envy's feet nearing him. "In fact," continued, stopping right in front of Edward, "I think about you a lot."

Edward stopped breathing. He whipped his head up, eyes wide, only to see Envy's face hovering not far from his own. He went back, shifting his weight to his arms as be backed away.

He watched with bated breath as Envy made a disappointed look. "Scared of me Edo? That's a shame," he said as he dropped down to sit on his haunches.

_No. Not scared of you at all. Me on the other hand… _Edward could feel his control slipping away from him like water through his fingers. Envy was so close, and so not in a volatile mood. The contact he had had earlier with the Sin had sent his blood racing and his mind hazy. It had yet to get back to normal. "Why shouldn't I be?"

Envy smirked at Edward. "Well, it only makes sense, seeing as how you've lost your greatest advantage," he said, inching closer to Ed.

Ed watched Envy come towards him with trepidation. He gritted his teeth together, and clenched his fist, the only thing he could do so he would remember himself. He was so close to just lunging at Envy.

"So, tell me, Edo, is it true that the FullMetal Pipsqueak can no longer use his alchemy?" he asked, dangerously close to Edward.

Edward stiffened at the accusation. He narrowed his eyes at Envy as his posture became somewhat guarded.

Envy smirked. "I'll take that as a yes." He fell silent then, his eyes sweeping over Edward's form. "I wounder how good you would be in a fight without it," he said eyes locking with Edward. They became hard then. "Probably much the same as last time."

Edward flinched at the ferocity the statement was spoken with. He quirked an eyebrow at the other. "Didn't enjoy your win, Envy?"

Envy glared at him. "Where's the fun in beating someone who was already broken?"

Edward thought he stopped breathing. Wave after wave of pain crashed into him. He broke eye contact with him, choosing to stare at the ground as he felt himself begin to lightly shake. "None I suppose," he answered, trying his best to keep in voice and face bland. He replayed Envy's statement in his head, another reminder against the unfathomable. Edward realized he had a lot of those. He once again asked why he couldn't just forget him.

His attention turned to Envy as he felt his bristle, his form wavering before his eyes. Edward's eyes grew wide as he felt his back and head slam against the ground below him. He blinked up at Envy, feeling him tighten the grip he currently had on his wrists as he made eye contact.

"Do you realize I could dispose of you right now?" Envy asked. "We told you, Edward, that if you become too much trouble to us or that we see you as useless that we will get rid of you. You are replaceable," Envy said, words cutting deeper and deeper into Edward. "So, remind me, why you are unable to fight back."

Edward concentrated hard on making sure his breathing didn't go erratic. The words stung him, that was a given, but the overwhelming elation of hearing Envy say his actual name, no matter the tone, was quiet unaccounted for. _I'm utterly hopeless._ Edward sighed as he closed his eyes, breaking the all too intent eyes contact he had been having with the other. When he did open them again, his gaze went to the sky, bypassing Envy all together. "It's a losing battle…"

Envy stiffened. "Are you giving up that easily?"

He gritted his teeth together as he shot Envy an angry look. "Why should you care if I'm giving up or not? I am replaceable am I not," Edward shot back. He wasn't giving up. There was no way that would ever happen, but he was getting tired, and rather quickly. And the source of his accelerating disintegration was hovering just above him. _Isn't life wounderful?_

Edward winced as Envy intensified the grip on his wrists. "It took us four hundred years to find someone as promising as you, Edward. Let's just say we aren't keen on waiting any longer," he explained. "So, are you that eager to die, Edward?"

Edward knew that the statement should've impacted him more than it was, but he couldn't get his mind to think about anything other than the fact that Envy had just used his name again, twice in fact. _Beyond salvation, I am._ "I'm not planning on dying just yet," Edward replied.

"Then why are you giving up?"

"I'm not."

"Then fight back!"

"I can't."

"Why not?!"

"I just can't!" Edward yelled back. "Damnit!" he said as he closed his eyes, letting his head hit the ground with a light _thunk_. He tried to regain control of his breathing, as it had sped up in his agitation. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see the look Envy was giving him. Once his breathing was back to normal, he opened his eyes, again looking at the sky. "I just can't," he repeated in a calmer tone.

Envy was silent. Edward didn't dare look at him, too afraid of what he might see. A small shiver went up his spine as he felt Envy's hair fall over his neck. Edward begged to be let go now. He didn't think he would be able to withstand this silence much longer. He looked up, catching a glimpse of one of his wrists as he felt Envy's hold on them fluctuate between a death grip to almost nonexistent. He could feel Envy's breath ghosting over his neck, and feel his knees shift closer up. Damn the silence. Being this close to Envy was driving him mad.

"Tell me what to do," Envy said, voice a low whisper. Ed blinked, startled at the sudden break in the silence. He looked down at Envy, eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. Envy had his head bent, making Ed unable to see his face through his green locks. "Tell me what I can do to make you fight back, to make you irreplaceable."

Edward stared at him, wide eyed. _He can't be serious…_ Edward wasn't sure if he had heard it or not, but could've sworn that Envy had had a hint of begging to his voice. Envy never begged. Edward looked back up. It just meant that this was another one of Edward's hallucinations-as he called them-, that or Envy was insane. Edward pondered that for a moment, but decided the sin had already been insane. That leaves only option one… Emotions soaring, all sensible thoughts blown out the window, all regard for reality forgotten, Edward asked what he usually asked his hallucinations involving Envy, "Kiss me."

Edward felt the breath leave his neck and Envy's hair moving again as he whipped his head up. "What?" he asked in an incredulous tone.

"You heard me," Edward grumbled, still facing the sky.

"Have you gone insane Pipsqueak?" Envy asked, defensiveness clear in his tone.

"Most likely," Edward said as he sighed. Edward began to tick off the seconds to his total demise in his head. There was no way Envy was going to let him live after that.

He closed his eyes after he reached thirty seconds. He began apologizing to Al for his stupidity in his head, cursing at himself for his blatant disregard for the severity his words could have…

He was at fifty now, and still Envy hadn't moved. He began to imagine the load of paperwork the Colonel would have to fill out after this. Imagining the slew of curses the Colonel would aim at him and his utter irresponsibility. _Should I be this calm about it… Maybe Envy was right. Maybe I am going insane…_

_Seventy-two._ Now he was just getting restless. At this point he didn't care what happened, what Envy did as long as he did _something.._.

_Eighty-five._ He was back to apologizing to Al, thinking the others didn't really suffice. He was in the middle of his longest apology yet when Envy did finally move. Edward stopped then, switching gears. He got himself ready for the searing pain that was coming, most likely to be centered around his chest.

His eyes flew open as, instead of the searing pain he was expecting, he felt Envy's soft lips press against his. He stared at Envy in total disbelief. His eyes were closed, his face utterly peaceful besides the slight furrow of his brow. There was no way. Edward felt his eyes begin to close, but, as fate would have it, it was then that Envy decided to pull away.

Edward blinked in rapid succession as he registered that Envy's lips were no longer on his own. He looked at Envy, hoping to catch his eye. Envy wasn't looking at Ed, though. Instead his eyes were glued to the ground. Edward tried opening his mouth several times to say something, but his voice seemed reluctant to comply. After a few more moments of silence, Envy looked up, sparing Ed the briefest of glances before he began to pull even further away.

Ed's eyes grew wide as his breath caught in his throat. He couldn't have Envy leave now. Not after that. There was no way Edward was going to allow that to happen. He desperately tried to think of something to say, something that would make Envy stay, even if it was only for a moment longer. No words came to mind. Edward growled in frustration as Envy still pulled away. It was if everything was in slow motion and Ed's mind was on hyper drive. It was when Envy's hands began to release their hold on Ed's wrists that Ed decided to do something.

He leaned up, quickly, making his and Envy's lips meet again. Envy froze, hands hovering right above Ed's arms. Ed pulled away quicker than Envy had. He was already breathing heavier than normal. He stayed just away from Envy's face, their breaths mixing as neither moved. Ed opened his eyes briefly, looking at Envy as he did, before shutting them again. "Envy… Please," he begged. He felt Envy give a jolt as he said his name. Edward swallowed as he waited for Envy's reaction. He wasn't even sure what he was begging for. If he was begging for Envy to kiss him, begging for Envy to stay, begging him to tell he had a chance, he didn't care how small it was, if it was there, he was damn well ready to fight for it or Envy could just shoot him now.

He was leaning back down, looking at anything but the sin when Envy reacted. He bent back down, kissing Ed for the third time, and this time, Ed kissed back.

* * *

His smirk grew as Edward blinked again. He watched with absolute mirth as Edward began to pull his mouth down in a frown. Envy's heart sped faster as he looked down on Edward. He was absolutely adorable when he pouted.

"Don't call me that."

Envy pulled himself back up, so that he was standing straight. He cocked his head lightly to the side, pushing out his lips in a mock out. "You don't like my name for you, Edo?" He watched as Edward grounded his teeth together and closed his eyes more as he glared at something beyond Envy.

"No," was his simple answer. Envy didn't like that answer.

Envy smirked, deciding to push the boy's buttons a bit more before he would try anything else. "Hmm, sounds like someone is in a mad mood. Are you not happy to see me Edward?"

The same answer as last time. A grounded out, tense sounding, "No."

Envy made a huge show of his arms, finally bringing one to his chest in an over exaggerated show of hurt. "You wound me Edo! And after all that time I spent making them up for you!" he said in the same manner as his movement. He heard Edward give a soft snort under his breath. That, for some reason, pissed Envy off. He dropped his hands to his sides as he frowned. Not only that, but for some reason Edward's answer hurt him. He began to walk forward. "It's true, Edo," he said as he neared. He stopped right in front of Ed. Leaning down so that his face was just above and in front of Edward's, he continued his earlier comment, "In fact, I think about you a lot."

Envy delighted in seeing the boy momentarily stop breathing. What he didn't like was that when Edward looked up to see him, he immediately backed away. Envy frowned as another pang went across his chest. He dropped to his on his sit on haunches. "Scared of me Edo? That's a shame."

"Why shouldn't I be?" Edward asked, narrowing his eyes slightly at the Sin.

Another spark going across his chest. "Well, it only makes sense, seeing as how you've lost your greatest advantage," he said, using anything that would hopefully get the boy a little more riled up. As he spoke, he moved closer to Edward, wanting to touch the other boy, but finding no plausible excuse right now. "So, tell me, Edo, is it true that the FullMetal Pipsqueak can no longer use his alchemy?" he asked, hoping Ed would explode at his word choice. He was now very close to Ed, being able to breath in his sent. This was not doing anything for his senses.

Ed said nothing, choosing to only stiffen and glare at the other.

Envy smirked, though he was woundering why Edward didn't explode, becoming a little worried as well. If this ended up as another incident like the one at the factory… "I'll take that as a yes." It was then that a thought occurred to him. He let his eyes sweep over Edward form. "I wounder how good you would be without it," he commented mostly to himself. He felt himself stiffen as a plausible answer to that comment came to mind. "Probably much the same as last time."

Edward quirked his eyebrow at the Sin. "Didn't enjoy your win, Envy?"

Envy glared at the boy. He was getting into dangerous territory. He really dreaded another repeat of the factory. He spoke, not giving much thought to his words. "Where's the fun in beating someone who was already broken?"

He watched as Ed's eyes grew wide and a flash of pain crossed over them. He looked away, choosing to stare at the ground instead. Envy groaned to himself as he watched the boy. Wrong word choice. "None I suppose."

Envy groaned again as he heard how Ed's voice wavered and face twitched slightly as he tried to remain emotionless about the whole thing. He began to berate himself for what he did. He ran his words over in his head, then Edward's. He didn't like the way Edward had been acting. If this kept happening, Edward was going to become no more than a useless human to them. The more Envy thought about it, the angrier he got at both himself and the blonde.

He felt his rage spike to an almost uncontrollable height, and with it, the usual loss of control of his form. It rippled, Envy having to use every restrain to keep his current form intact. He choose to act then. He pushed Edward back, pinning him to the floor in his anger. He grabbed his wrists, holding them slightly above Edward's head, more of just to have an excuse to have some kind of contact with the boy than to actually restrain him. It's not like Edward would try to push him off.

Envy tightened his grip on Edward's wrists as he caught the boy's eye. He glared daggers at the boy. "Do you realize I could dispose of you right now?" he asked, his voice dropping to a dangerous tone. "We told you, Edward, that if you become too much trouble to us or that we see you as useless that we will get rid of you. You are replaceable," he said, unable to stop the speech that was issuing from his mouth. He knew he should stop talking now, that he should just leave right now, but for some reason, he was unable to pull himself away from the alchemist. "So, remind me, why you are unable to fight back."

He watched as Edward's breathing became slightly more rapid and his eyes slightly more wide, before he closed them. Edward released a sigh, doing nothing other than making the Sin angrier. It was a couple of moments before Edward reopened them, as he did though, he did not look to Envy as he did before, but rather to the sky above both of them. "It's a losing battle…"

Envy became rigid. Why was it that Edward sounded so defeated? He wasn't through yet, not by a long shot, so why did it sound as if this was the last part for Edward? "Are you giving up that easily?"

Envy felt Edward's body stiffen beneath his hold. Edward's head came up, his eyes baring daggers into him. "Why should you care if I'm giving up or not? I am replaceable, am I not?" he retorted, his glare intensifying.

Envy felt himself grow cold. The immense pain that simple statement bore down on him was unbearable. He gripped Edward's wrists in response. "It took us four hundred years to find someone as promising as you, Edward. Let's just say we aren't keen on waiting any longer," he lied easily enough. Well, in all actuality it wasn't a full lie, but it was far from what he wanted to say, wanted so badly to scream at him. "So, are you that eager to die Edward?"

"I'm not planning on dying just yet," was Edward's response. Simple, short, and oh so weak. It was far from the passion Edward used to so readily speak with when concerning their little 'journey'.

"Then why are you giving up?"

"I'm not."

"Then fight back!"

"I can't."

"Why not?!"

"I just can't!" he yelled back. "Damnit!" he said, slamming his head backwards.

Envy felt himself lift a little, glad that he was finally getting something noteworthy out of Edward. He watched as Edward's rapidly falling and rising chest began to slow. Envy frowned at that, he didn't want the boy to calm down. He wanted him riled up so that he would rise out of this despicable slump that he was in.

"I just can't," he said again, this time in a more controlled manner.

Envy gritted his teeth. He hated when Edward was like this. It wasn't like this was the first time Envy had seen Edward be a little down, but it had never reached to this level before. When ever this had happened in the past, Edward always found something to push himself back up on, something more solid for his feet to run faster on. Now… Now it seemed as though Edward had fallen into a chasm so deep, that not even the brightest of lights would reach him. Envy didn't want that. What he had said about disposing of Edward was no lie. If the other homunculi and his master found out about Edward's state, they would not hesitate to bring him down. He couldn't have that. Without Edward there, Envy didn't know what he would do. It didn't matter that him and Edward were enemies, just watching him from afar and grabbing those few close encounters was enough for him, enough for him to keep going and not go completely insane.

He couldn't think straight. It felt like if he didn't fight for every breath right now that he would surely succumb to the waves that were so ready to take him under. "Tell me what to do," he finally managed to get out. "Tell me what I can do to make you fight back, to make you irreplaceable," he begged, desperate for any chance to keep the boy in this world with him.

He felt Edward stiffen again. Envy could only imagine what thoughts were going through the boy's head. It didn't matter, though, any question he had, any suspicion he would announce, Envy would shoot it down without a second thought. He would lie about it later, making up excuses for his behavior so as not to jeopardize himself as well as Edward.

It was the longest time before Edward responded to his pleading, and when he did, it was the most unexpected thing. "Kiss me."

Envy whipped his head up, resting disbelieving eyes unto Ed's utterly calm face. "What?" he breathed.

"You heard me," Edward snapped in a mumbled tone.

Envy was silent for another second before narrowing his eyes dangerously at the other. "Have you gone insane Pipsqueak?" he inquired, looking for some normalcy in this confusing chaos.

"Most likely," Edward sighed. That was all he said. No explanation, no begging, no refuting, just two simple words.

Envy stared at him, unable to fully comprehend what was going on. There was no way that Edward was saying this. After so long of believing Edward hated him, despised him, how was he supposed to take that?

What happened if Envy did give in, and it was all a joke? How would he come out of it? No doubt Edward would be more disgusted with him than he probably already was. Envy would probably wave it off, coming back with a snappy comment in an attempt to hide his sudden weakness. What happened if Envy didn't kiss him and Edward had meant it? Would that ruin any chance the sin had with him from then on? What if he did kiss him and Edward decided he didn't like it? What would happen if Envy did kiss him and Edward kissed back? What would that mean? Would they begin something deeper or would it be nothing but fleeting kisses they exchanged once every other month? What happened if his master found out about it if they did end up doing something? How would he himself be punished, and what would they do with Edward?

Questions like those spun around his head relentlessly. Envy gulped a breath in, realizing he had stopped breathing at some point. He snuck a glance back up at Edward. His eyes were closed, a peaceful expression taking on his features. He hair spread about him, an encompassing sweep of gold. It was then that Envy felt his desire flow through him, that every instance were Envy had begged for a chance like this flashed through his head. It was then that he said 'fuck it' to everything, deciding to figure those things out when he got there.

He leaned down, pausing for a split second right above Edward before closing in the rest of the distance. Envy shivered as his lips met Edward's. Desire swept through him stronger than he had ever felt, and he had to constantly remind himself to keep it as this. After staying as long as he thought he would be allowed, Envy came back up.

He dropped his head, closing his eyes as he let the sensations continue to course through him. All the while Edward laid there, unmoving and stiff. Envy waited for Ed's reaction, his stomach slightly knotting as he did so. None came though. Envy waited for what seemed like forever in the daunting silence. Finally, when he couldn't handle it any longer, he sneaked a peak at Edward. He was staring at him, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Envy felt his anger mount and a suffocating pain arise in his chest. Edward had been the one to ask for it; how could he just lay there like that?

Envy snapped his head back down as he began to pull himself back up. He was about to sit back, beginning to remove his hands from Ed's wrists when Ed reacted. In one swift movement, Edward leaned up, pressing his lips firmly against Envy's. Envy felt his whole body cease to move, his finger lightly brushing the area where they had just been.

Ed pulled back, quicker than what Envy would've liked. He paused just beyond Envy's mouth, his breath flowing with Envy's. "Envy… Please," he begged.

Envy's eyes snapped shut of their own accord as a series of shivers worked their way throughout Envy's entire being. Edward's voice continually replayed itself in his mind, sending wave after wave of pleasure within him. He felt Edward drawing away from him, him going back to lay back down. Envy couldn't have that. He went down, meeting Edward's lips once again. He pushed down, making Edward come in contact with the ground as he resumed his hold on Edward's wrists. He couldn't help the elated smile that began to form as Edward began to kiss back.

* * *

**Yes, I finally got to Edward's and Envy's first realy yaoi scene! I am telling you know though, that it is not ending here, nor will it be one of those fanfics that wraps up their relationship withEnvy quickly switching sides and them living happily ever after after five more chapters. No, this story is much bigger than that. It will even have two parts, both having two almost completely different.**

**So, I hope you guys greatly enjoyed chapter 8 of Sin an Sinner, thank you all again for your amazing reviews and I hope you keep on doing such! (Oh, and I have no idea when chapter nine will be up) **


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